I guess I expected something better. I had three days of fantastic, and then on Thursday, everything was horrible, and that lasted until later last night. So, for sure, my new meds are not gong to magically make my life full of rainbows and unicorns. That’s me in the corner, coming home from the hospital. I was hoping for the best. I guess I’m optimistic like that. I wanted the beatific vision of psychiatric wellness, right here in my own... Read more
I really hadn’t planned on it. Otherwise I wouldn’t have worn tights. Last Wednesday, September the 17th, I went in for an “assessment” at Parkview Behavioral Health and ended up staying for five days. Why? Because I desperately needed help, and finally, finally, believed that nothing else would do. I’m a slacker that way. I hate “bothering” people with my problems, even if it’s my doctor, whom I pay for helping me. Derp. Pretty much sums it up. I had... Read more
I don’t know where to begin. But it’s close to the end. I only met her once. I remember her bright smile, and thinking that her eyes sparkled. She laughed, was polite. She seemed like a very nice girl. Like so many other nice girls that my daughter was getting to know in her freshman dorm at Saint Mary’s in 2010. Then she was gone. *** “Mom, remember that girl you met… Lizzy? Um…she…um…died.” Died? And the world keeps spinning.... Read more
Reach past the fear. Reach towards the truth. Putting myself “out there” is always risky. I’m constantly battling the fear that people will mock me. Maybe pity me. Hate me, even. I have to reach past that. Every. Single. Time. Because every time I’ve been able to reach past the fear, and grasped the truth, and released it out into the world, something good has happened. One, I’ve feel freer. I’ve let go of another heavy weight that kept pushing... Read more
Punch Drunks (Photo credit: Wikipedia) If I was a drunk, people would get it. Yes, people get drunks. That’s a problem. It’s not pretty, for sure. Lying there in the gutter, with my hand gripping the neck of a fifth—people understand that, even if they don’t like it. Even better? To be in recovery. Oh, now that’s a magic word. That’s the magic I want. To be considered as one who is dealing with my problem in a responsible way.... Read more
If there’s one thing I can count on to drive my behavior to amazing new limits, it’s stupidity. I don’t know if it’s my OCD, or just some kind of nonsensical aversion, but I just can’t deal with the Indiana Bureau of Motor Vehicles. This has no basis in reality. I have had zero problems with any person at the BMV, I even know people who work there personally—and I like them! Obviously, there’s a certain level of bureaucracy. I... Read more
I used to think God was talking to me. Sometimes in that indefinable, still, small voice, and sometimes through messengers. The messengers were varied. An old grandmother who lived in a deserted place, chain smoking her way to wisdom. A holy nun. Sinners, and saints. Sometimes I couldn’t tell the difference. And I’m pretty sure I still can’t. Maybe it’s more about the message than the messenger. Maybe it’s not. Maybe I’m just afraid to admit that I don’t know... Read more
Mostly, we’re sticking to this. But Sophia and I blew it big time over the weekend and had hamburgers and fries. Considering the components, hamburgers violate three of the inviolable rules of this challenge: no red meat, no dairy (okay, very limited dairy), and no bread. Pretty sure the seasoned fries aren’t permitted on any diet. Heavy sigh. But it was de-friggin-licious! We generally start our days right, Yoghurt with blackberries? You can’t go wrong with things like that. Quick,... Read more
“Just like me, they long to be close to you.” Not sure why that’s that old song by The Carpenters is first thing I thought of, but let’s roll with it. I remember the very first time I had a crush on a boy. All I wanted was to be close to him. And I knew he liked me, too. But… parents. That’s how, so often, it is. We let someone else get between us and the person we love.... Read more
It’s not good. Maybe that’s the wrong way to put it. It’s not so much “not good” as it is we had a bit of a meltdown. I definitely hit my limit on leafy greens and no sweets. While it’s possible that I was just having a little bit of a meltdown all by myself, I definitely got the impression from Sophia that all was not well in the land of Clean Eating. Yesterday’s recipes are here, and so far,... Read more
After the Ecstasy, the Laundry...
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