John Lennon is quoted as saying that “Being honest may not get you a lot of friends but it’ll always get you the right ones”.
So true. I recently had a client in my office that was having a situation with a co-worker that was also a good friend.
“She’s chasing after everything I do, and everything I have, and I’m exhausted. If I get a compliment from a supervisor, she tries to one up me and then will brag about her success. But, Kristy, she never values my own successes and wants me to value hers,” she complained.
“Have you spoken to her about this?” I simply asked.
My client looked at me, wide eyes, in horror and shook her head no.
“It’s followed into personal life as well. My husband and I have a boat and live on a lake. Now she’s trying to buy a house on a lake, with money she says they don’t even have. I know her husband is stressed about it, and he doesn’t even like lakes! I don’t even know how to bring it up.”
“You bring it up honestly. Honesty plays on both sides of the team. You need to stop giving her the opportunity to exhaust you, and it starts by talking to her.”
Now some of you may see this scenario as ridiculous, after all we are adults, but it is a frequent situation that I see in my office, although the players may be spouses, parent/child, and so on. The green monster of jealousy grew and continuous to be fed through a little thing called social media.
Communicate with Your Friend: Take the time to talk about it with your friend and don’t be surprised if your friend acts on the defensive. Let them know how important your friendship is to you.
Open or Close the Dialogue: If after a couple days your friend refuses to understand and/or take responsibility for their actions and/or understands where you’re coming from, and instead finger points at you, it may be time to really evaluate whether you need to stay in the relationship. Everything is about energy. The way you feel around certain people will tell you if this connection needs to be stopped or not, yet so often we continue on with it as to not hurt the other person’s feelings. Yet our feelings are being hurt over and over.
Plant Again: Shift your focus to what sort of relationships you want to have in your life so that you can create a space with nourishing relationships that can bloom, with friends who are positive and committed to you as much as you to them.
My client took her friend out to lunch and explained how she felt. And it didn’t go well.
“I was honest and I feel good about that,” she emailed. “I’ve realized that hard times and good times has a way of revealing who should be in our lives. All I can do now is send her love, mourn and move on.”
People may not always tell you how they feel about you, but they will always show you. Pay attention and never disregard your intuition. You deserve an honest friendship.