Born a glass half full girl in a family of glass half empty wasn’t easy. I’d put my faith in people, and quickly forgive those who let me down in the hopes that it would be different. It never was. My mom would hug me as I shed a lot of tears of disappointment, but her advice was met with cynicism and harshness. “People suck, even the ones who pretend to be friends or who share your blood. Protect your heart, Kristy. Set up strong boundaries,” she would tell me. But my mom wasn’t happy with the way she was doing things either, so did that really work? What was the secret balance? I began to root for the underdog, thinking that was a safe space. After all, I felt like I was the underdog too. Or was I? Is anyone?
Chuck and I saved for a couple years to take a non-work trip to Disney World with our friends to celebrate Chuck’s 57th birthday and their 30th wedding anniversary. I didn’t announce our trip until the day before we left because I knew I’d receive many “must be nice to afford a trip” emails which would make me want to go into defense mode. Sure enough, before I reached the airport I had messages saying I should’ve donated vacation money to someone who really deserved it. Some called me selfish and greedy, along with other names I won’t print. I began to spiral down the Alice in Wonderful rabbit hole (pun intended), which was ironic seeing I was heading to the happiest place on earth. I tried to keep a smile on my face for my husband and friends, all the while taking in the energy that was being sent to me. It was only 30 hours in when I found myself in bed so sick from what we believe was food poisoning. Again I began to travel down the rabbit hole of despair. All this money and here I was in my hotel room, sick. I felt awful in more ways than one. I felt awful for my friends who felt awful for me. I felt awful for my husband who works so hard with me throughout the year. And I felt awful for me, who really wanted some time to just play. I sent Chuck out of the room to go have some fun, leaving me alone to be sick and try to sleep. Curled in a fetus position, holding my tummy, not even enough energy to cry, I felt my guides come forward and I let myself drift into an alpha/meditative state.
“Feel the feelings that you feel”, they whispered. “You don’t have to always be strong. Those that will root for you will root for you, but you can’t force anyone to love you. You take this time to heal and root for you.”
They went on to talk about how people like to root for the underdog because it makes them feel better about themselves. Most people want people to fail. To see someone else succeed, or work at succeeding, makes them look at what they are doing or not doing in their own life and can lead to negativity.What? That’s an obnoxious statement, but then I thought about it. Most people wanted the Eagles to win because the Patriots won the year before (I’m minimizing this). Like her, hate her, or maybe not even know her – the Long Island Medium, Theresa Caputo, was America’s Sweetheart of Mediums when she first started, or at least that is what the cameras portrayed. Now her family life has shifted and I’ve read terrible things on her social media pages screaming that she got the fame bug and she’s changed. Who gave her fame? The same people criticizing her fame. Has she really changed? Or maybe because she’s now famous she’s not the rooted underdog anymore.
Now there’s some that really love the Cinderella story (um, pun again?) and some people do change and let fame go to their head, but why are we even spending so much time feeling the feelings of others instead of focusing on our own feelings? It’s distraction and it’s stealing happiness. A couple years ago I had a conversation with a good friend of mine. I was sad because a book I loved writing and believe in hadn’t performed the way we’d hoped. Before it was published I had conversation with production companies in turning into a possible series, but it hadn’t happened. “How do you get through and move on?” he asked me. I told him with friends, family, hope, and knowing that I had to survive for my kids. “I think maybe you forgot how to survive for you. Maybe that’s the missing formula?” I lay in bed with the messages from my guides and remembering that past conversation, realizing I still wasn’t allowing that to be an option. No, not an option, but a requirement. After all you can’t pour from an empty glass.
What action are you distracting yourself from because you are afraid of what someone will say? Really think about this because it could very well be what is zapping your happiness and disallowing you from feeling the feelings you feel. You don’t have to be an underdog to be worthy. Just be you.
I believe in you!
Have you pre-ordered Kristy’s newest book yet?