I woke up yesterday morning with an awakening, albeit it came in the middle of my meditation. I caught myself sobbing, a release very much needed. The last few nights had been restless, with body aches and a heavy spirit. I turned on the radio only to find my smile.
Once upon a time I held a paranormal investigation at a haunted plantation home in the south. The group, all adults, and then the one very wide-eyed excited teenager, eager to ask questions, debunk, and do review. For several years after he would email me asking when I was coming back to his side of the world where the mountains peeked through deep pines. I turned on the radio only to hear his voice singing to the world and I felt an incredible amount of pride. I saw the passion in his face with every experience that weekend and know that he will fill huge stadiums with that same passion one day soon.
Most of you know that my dad will have open heart surgery in a couple weeks after several months of impatiently waiting for a medical opinion. Most of you know that my best friend suddenly passed away not long ago. Most of you know how much stress it was for my son to join the National Guard and go to basic training. Most of you know that I’ve spent that last month recovering from pneumonia. Most of you know that my all day, all night, and every day and night revolves around grief and the afterlife. But it was yesterday when the past I thought I’d healed, or at least stored away nicely, came tumbling down for me with the choice to either re-organize or throw away. It wasn’t up to anyone else to handle it, just me. It made me realize that the last few months I’ve been putting aside my spiritual awakening and passion to avoid the ability to feel or heal. I’ve been holding my breath thinking I would be okay, all the while not being okay at all. Ironically, I had just been diagnosed with sleep apnea – I’ve been physically holding my breath as well.
So how do we birth ourselves on the other side of the awakening? With work. With re-finding our passion, finding our sparkle, and listening to our intuition. Sometimes when we go through a hard time it pushes us into an amazing awakening and out the other side.
Last night as I sat beside the bonfire, I dug my bare feet into the earth and let the tears fall once more. The evening’s warm wind asked if it could carry away some of the residue so that the passion could shine through again. You see strength doesn’t mean holding on to everything, but learning how not to hold on to everything.
Passion is easy to lose as the world digs its nails in, but it can be found and re-found. What makes your soul sparkle? I believe in you.