Readjustment February 26, 2013

I have the week to myself, which means a lot of mismanagement of my time. There are a few dozen books lined up for me to read (a Guardians book, followed by a certain mythology…) and just as many shows and movies. I do consider shows alongside books, for those that are concerned. I’m certainly the product of an overstimulated culture. (It isn’t that I have tons of projects – it’s that I want to do them all at exactly the same time.)

But March is coming up, and at least the first half of the month will be crammed full of cleansing rituals. That means a lot of readjusting and, oftentimes, relearning. clearing out so I can let something new in. Partially this is improving my own ritualizing. Another part is that the spirits are asking me to do it (in various overt and subtle ways). And another is that I really need to do it. Just that simple. It needs to get done.

Just preparing for the cleansing is causing shifts, internal and external.

It would be very easy to place ‘anger’ and ‘frustration’ on a list of what I need to cleanse and scrub away. Those would actually be some of the easiest choices, but they aren’t what I’m going to be focusing on. In my practice, anger, even revenge, can and often is sacred. Anger can be a catalyst for change, if only we know what to do with it. Learning how to control my emotions and move with them, see their waves and understand them, is the goal for the end of this cleansing session.

Anger is sacred to me in other ways – gaslighting and such meant that I often had my anger undermined, so reclaiming my right to even be angry is pretty powerful. I don’t want to wash that away. It’s partially why I can become snippy with people who tell me to ‘simmer down’ or that I’m ‘whining’. I don’t want to wash away my anger, but I would like to wash away the irritation that bubbles up when I’m told I’m being ‘too emotional’. While it would be lovely to hand over elegant logical arguments, that’s just not who I am. That doesn’t mean I can’t get a rein on my reactions.

There was more I intended to say with this piece, but I’m a bit to exhausted to really put anything coherent together. As March comes on, though, I’ll be posting updates on various changes, realizations (that usual junk that comes from more intensive work), and prayers, along with stories, that I learn or create.

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