My Background
When I was young, I believed my life was fairly normal—to an extent, it was. However, looking back, I now believe it was quite eventful. I do not mean that my life should be made into a movie, but spiritually, it was a bit of a roller coaster.
I grew up in variety of conservative, non-denominational churches (depending on where we lived at the time). Each claimed that the heart of their belief was Jesus Christ, but to my young mind, the center of my faith was avoiding eternal damnation. I made sure I prayed the “sinner’s prayer” on numerous occasions but because I could never remember all my sins and thus could not confess all of them, I assumed God would condemn me. I now understand the irrationality of such a belief, but that does not change the fact that my childhood was shrouded with the overwhelming certainty that I was destined for hell.
Because of this belief, many of my nights were spent sleepless. I can vaguely recall running throughout my house, screaming “Snake eyes!” at the top of my lungs. Even when my mother would calm me down enough to sit me in a chair, my gaze toward her was blank—lifeless. I could not comprehend who she was nor could I recognize any familiarity in my own home. To this day, my mother is convinced I was possessed by demons. I would not disagree with her although I would disagree with how we define “demon.” Regardless, this experience was horrifying and destructive.
Even when I would remain in the safety of my blankets, my dreams were terrifying. One recurrent dream I can still vividly recall is that of an Armageddon-type battle. I, alongside my agnostic Grandfather, would fight the forces of evil. On numerous occasions, he would perish in the battle. As someone who would be theologically defined as an Arminian, I knew his fate. Then there were the recurrent dreams where I would have to escape a department store before the swarms of spiders and snakes captured me. My memory fails me to some degree, as I cannot recall if I ever made it out alive. Regardless, the effects of such dreams tormented my mind.
My soul became troubled.
My faith? Shattered.
I would not diagnose myself with once having PTSD, but I sure had many of the symptoms (PTSD symptoms are often split into four groups: 1) Intrusive Memories 2) Avoidance 3) Negative Changes in Thinking and Mood 4) Changes in Emotional Reactions). I had intrusive memories—unwanted thoughts of hell and terrifying dreams about torture and torment. I avoided discussing these matters with clergy and never really enjoyed going to church for this very reason. My mood was often erratic, even though I kept most of it contained within my mind. I was hopeless about the future and was certainly negative about myself. My emotional reactions would often change. I was irritable, was overly guilt-ridden about my sin, and, like I mentioned before, had difficulty sleeping. This lasted for years—over a decade even! Regardless how one would diagnose my former self, experientially, it was traumatic and stressful—enough so to eventually walk away (for a time) from the faith I concluded was the cause.
PTSD and MDMA
Fast forward to today. I no longer have the same symptoms I once had. In the midst of a painful deconstruction and subsequent theological reconstruction process, I have been blessed by God with healing. But what about those who do not experience a healing like the one I have? What about the countless soldiers who come home from war, only to find the disease of their mind—the demonic force that it is—forces them into a living hell? What about them?
As Christians, we should always be praying for healing and restoration. We have accounts that Jesus was known, in large part, because of his ability to heal. As followers, we are also to live in a spirit of metánoia—of repentance. We are to constantly be changing our minds. So, what if we changed our minds about certain substances we classify as “illegal drugs”? What if these “drugs” had the power to heal others’ brokenness—their disease of the mind? What if there was a substance that could powerfully aid in curing PTSD?
There is a recent study done by Dr. Mark Haden, adjunct professor at the University of British Columbia School of Population and Public Health, that strongly suggests MDMA (street name “Ecstasy” or “Molly”—derived from the root-bark or the fruit of sassafras plants), can cure such a debilitating disease. Dr. Haden writes:
The first research studying MDMA-assisted psychotherapy results demonstrated that there were extremely positive effects on PTSD symptoms (Mithoefer et al., 2011). In this study, an astounding 82% of the participants who received MDMA had a significant reduction of symptoms while only 25% of the participants receiving only psychotherapy achieved this result. — (http://reset.me/story/why-use-mdma-assisted-psychotherapy-for-ptsd/)
My point in saying this is not to make an argument for the benefits of MDMA-assisted psychotherapy. (As if one quote is any such argument.) My intention, then, is to say that Christians should be at the forefront of searching for ways to bring healing to the world—even if current culture places a stigma on it. We should be at the forefront of discovering new, natural (plant-based and thus, created by God) ways to help those torn apart by man-made war. We should not; as historically, Christians have done, be at the forefront of war—even a “war on drugs.” Science may be starting to show that this is actually a “war on medicine.”
I do not claim to know the scientific evidence for or against the medicinal qualities of most (or even many) plants. What I do strongly believe is that Jesus wants his followers to diligently work toward bringing healing to the world. If that means stepping out of our comfort zones and looking into supporting the use of something like MDMA in a clinical setting, then I believe it is our duty—nay, an honor—to do so. We may begin to find ourselves on the right side of history with regards to this. If it turns out some “illegal drugs” are actually medicinal in properties, it would be nice if the church as a whole was instrumental in paving the way toward healing. We have perpetuated war long enough—wouldn’t it be like God to offer healing plants for us to use along the way toward discovering peace? At least, that is my hope—peace.
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