Religious Exemptions and the COVID-19 Vaccines

Religious Exemptions and the COVID-19 Vaccines October 4, 2021

As vaccine mandates start becoming more commonplace, religious folks are turning to exemptions in order to not get the jab. One common argument they are attempting to put forth is this: Because aborted fetal cells were used in testing during the research of the mRNA vaccines, as well as the Johnson & Johnson vaccine, we Christians have a right to legally opt out.

Okay, fine. If you have a serious issue with abortion and want absolutely no association with these products because of how they were tested, then you can at least make the case that you should be able to opt out. However, unless you want to be a complete hypocrite, you have to also opt out of the following treatments because they too have a direct association with aborted fetal cells.

  • Acetaminophen
  • Albuterol
  • Aspirin
  • Ibuprofen
  • Tylenol
  • Pepto Bismol
  • Tums
  • Lipitor
  • Senokot
  • Motrin
  • Maalox
  • Ex-Lax
  • Benadryl
  • Sudafed
  • Preparation H
  • Claritin
  • Prilosec
  • Zoloft

Recognize these? Of course you do. They are some of the most common medications around. Many of them are OTC. They help with everything from headaches to asthma to constipation to an itchy asshole.

Got a bad bug bite? No more Benadryl.

Got a pounding headache? Put down the acetaminophen and ibuprofen.

Butthole burning from an enflamed hemorrhoid? Sorry, but better not use that Preparation H.

Stomach in knots from indigestion? No more Tums for you.

Can’t stop wheezing? Sorry, bud, but that albuterol is a no-no.

Allergies flaring up? Better not take Claritin.

Stool harder than granite? Deal with it; Ex-Lax can’t help you now.

Now, I’m guessing Christians who want to opt out of the COVID vaccines will still continue to use these products? Why? Because they don’t actually care about abortion. They just want to be contrarian. They are more Trumpist than Christian. This is a political ploy. They want to be on the right team. They will continue to use ibuprofen because they don’t like having headaches. They will continue to use ex-lax because they don’t want to stay backed up. And they don’t want to keep itching their asshole so they will keep rubbing Preparation H on it.

And so, they will again only prove that they are being loud and obnoxious in order to paint themselves as some sort of victim, some sort of underdog. It’s as predictable as the Detroit Lions missing the playoffs, or Trump bragging about himself, or the sun rising in the east, or . . . well you get the point. It will happen now and it will happen again, because so many Christians just can’t help but have a victim complex.

So, here’s to them and all their complaining. Take two of these and call me in the morning.

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About Matthew J. Distefano
Matthew J. Distefano is the author of multiple books, a podcaster, social worker, and hip-hop artist. He lives in Northern California with his wife and daughter. You can read more about the author here.
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