Teaching: toward a retrospective

I shouldn’t be blogging on pain killers, but there are a lot of worse things I could be doing now, so bear with me.

This summer I caught wind of a Buddhism professor who is compiling a book on “Buddhist perspectives on Teaching” and I contacted her about possibly submitting an essay. She seemed interested and now I’m to get something together in the coming month. The topic, to be more specific, looks something like this:

If you teach and your teaching is somehow informed by Buddhism, I invite you to submit an essay for consideration for a book of essays on teaching informed by Buddhist perspectives. These essays will be aimed at the college and high school teachers, and the central question the essays will address is: What informs this particular Buddhist as s/he walks into a classroom to teach?

I anticipate that the essays of this book will be written by Buddhists whose daily work invites them to reflect on pedagogy and the demands of their religious practices.

In what I trust will be thoughtful and fascinating essays, these Buddhist practitioners in the classroom will offer answers to such questions as these:

• What Buddhist ideals do teachers bring to their classrooms and why? How are these ideals made real in teaching?
• What ethical questions arise with the commitment of teachers to wisdom and compassion, to the Eightfold Noble Path, to non-harm…?
• How do teachers bring Buddhist contemplative practices into the classroom and to what affect? (How do these practices change learning and alter the classroom environment?)
• What stories of Buddhism are most helpful as one considers issues of learning? And how do these stories play their roles?
  

In short, the essays can range from story-telling of how a particular incident was handled in the classroom and why to reflections on particular Buddhist stories and how they relate to teaching to reflections on teaching as practice and the ideals thereof. This will be the sort of book that a teacher or professor might pick up and read in the evenings or over the summer as a gentle way to expand his/her understanding of what teaching is and what the responsibilities and joys of teaching are.

Preferred are essays approximately 15-30 pages long, doublespaced, that offer a friendly, accessible, perhaps personal treatment. The initial due date for expression of interest (a paragraph casually exploring what you might want to write about) is 30 June. Due date for essays is 15 January 2007. I am happy to discuss with you ideas and possibilities now as you consider the possibility of submitting an essay and later as you refine your ideas.

So… Some ideas (to be cleaned up/rearranged/generally edited…):

A chronological approach:

• Motivation: the material – philosophy – Dr. Sponberg
• Direction: personal connections (w/ Dr. Sponberg), the question of ‘philosophy or buddhism’
• Decision: MA in Bristol, UK. Massive uncertainty
• Experience: opportunity for a new life, torn away from Montana habits (samskaras)
• Growth: (It’s starting to look like I’ll write twenty pages before even addressing teaching!)…
• Ok, Teaching!
• June: anticipation/uncertainty
• July/August: preparation (Ethics Center work and a trip to Spain!)
• September!
• late August (day before my first class: “Terrified“): “The more I worry about the judgment of my students, the more my heart/mind closes in judgment back (they’re just ‘shopping’ for fun classes, not serious enough…), or judgment of myself (not ready, not educated enough, not enough credentials…). The result is a sharp border between them and me, and no way to communicate – no teaching, no learning (and bad reviews and no paycheck.. wait, that’s not the important thing here).”
• 1st day: victory, sort of: “I had to have tech-support summoned because I couldn’t figure out the computer system (it’s a touch-screen, you have to touch it…”
• Friday, Sept 8 (life, way too busy)
• Monday, Sept 18 (integrating Buddhism and teaching): “Concepts and words can be good for understanding reality to some extent, but we have to know when to let them go and just be – receptive… connected… one with all that is… It is when we do this that we live in the ‘spirit’ or ‘spiritual realm.’…
  Thich Nhat Hanh reminds us to return to our friends, those who share a common pursuit. They are our connection with reality.”
• Not much after that… I’m sure I could fill in the rest:
• Students began a campus meditation group
• One has (re) launched Students for a Free Tibet on campus
• Intro to Tibetan Buddhism class fills up quickly (yea!)
• Many wonderful students – some handshakes and small gifts on the last day..

• And, as I mentioned seeing them all as friends on the night before my first day, I should reflect on how much now they have become friends.

I also thought about writing the essay by topics:

Buddhism Today: an issue both a the start and the end of the course. The Dalai Lama, Zen Tea, Western converts, credit card commercials… where is Buddhism Today?

No-Self: Why would there be anxiety standing before 150 strangers and teaching? What does it mean to ’empty’ one’s self and to simply be a conduit of the material? Is it like an actor? Once I figured out what I was doing up there (on the literal ‘stage’ – about 2 feet raised above a sea of desks 30 feet wide and 80 feet long), I really had very few anxiety issues. And this from someone who suffered from anxiety disorder just seven or eight years ago (though it feels much more recent).

My goal, though I know I was not always successful, was to use the PowerPoint keywords and phrases as jumping-off points into stories (more like mini-explanations); to allow myself to roam a bit, let thoughts have a voice and yet stay grounded in the material.

I only saw the front twenty or so people in the class, too, with an exception here or there. So it did become more of a conversation (these were generally the only folks asking questions) at times, which did test me at times and did lead to humor at others. At times they did ask questions directly about me – what kind of Buddhist I am, what it means that I bring in Zen tea (knowing that it fuels the common misperception of what Buddhism really is), etc.

Practice: How did teaching effect my practice? How did my practice effect my teaching? This is a difficult one, as my practice was fairly sporadic over the semester and almost always focused on simple “Calm Abiding.” I did manage to go on one short retreat, however, and to meditate with the students’ new group.

One thing I did practice on a couple occasions was metta bhavana (cultivation of loving-kindness) focusing on the students and myself just before class. This was more often than not just a way to calm my nerves before launching into material that I was not all together comfortable with. I also made a point of remembering the stress of the ‘blue-book’ (essay) exams and practicing tong-len as the students took them (I also braught chocolates for after the exams).

Gratitude: How fortunate I am to have had this opportunity. It’s crazy to think about. The fortune of being able to study so much with Dr. Sponberg (Saramati), of getting in and being able to afford an MA in England, of being at the right place at the right time when someone was needed to cover Saramati’s courses (and Paul Dietrich’s kindness in giving me the opportunity).

I’m also fortunate to have had the students I did. Though I only got to know a few of them, those that I did speak with outside of class were really fantastic. Many will be in my class in the Spring – others I hope to see in the meditation group. Others still hopefully will at least not hesitate to say ‘hi’ if I pass by on campus or around town.

Lastly how fortunate I have been for my friends and family through all of this. I’ve neglected both as far as time goes and both have been gracious in asking very little from me and still offering and giving me lots of time when I needed it.

….

I don’t think that answered any of the questions above, but it’s a start…