It’s been a long time since I was here, and I’ve been missing writing in this corner of mine. The reasons are not as important as some may think, but the results are. I’ve been more absent than I should have. So here I am, once again. Guess it’s time I get back this part of me. I’ve been thinking about what to do to keep this name alive, to attend this side of my practice, and today, lying wide awake in my bed, thinking about everything and nothing at the same time, I may have gotten an idea.
It’s not the first time that I have had second thoughts, doubts, and questions if this is the path that I want to follow. It has happened with every single aspect of my practice as a witch, and some of them don’t even survive the process. I’ve tried different things and when I start questioning if that’s part of what I want to do as a witch if often happens that I’m not as interested as in the beginning.
Palmistry, runes, Norse mythology, astral projection, and other practices are among those I’ve discarded. Of course, I was afraid I would be losing interest in my Arabic heritage, going back to the kind of mentality I had when I was a kid, who didn’t want to know anything with it, wanted to stay as far away from it as possible, but this time it is different.
This time, I was asking if there was anything point in doing what I was doing. I recently became part of a Discord server where there are much wiser and more educated people who know much more about Arabic Paganism than I do, and I started doubting myself. Was I making anything new? Anything worth persevering? Was I the right person to write about these topics in a public manner?
I lost interest quickly, not because I wanted to be the best, but because I realized there are more capable people of doing this work, people who know better and that, in a short time, made me realize I’m still a newcomer. Many of my ideas lacked a lot of proper research, I ignored many terms, and so I thought “well, maybe I’m not the right man for this because I’m not good enough. Maybe I should let things be and let someone else take my spot in these”.
Being the Best
However, I missed being part of Patheos, I missed reading and writing about my roots, attending an important part of my practice. Speaking with a friend a few days ago about something entirely different, I told him I wasn’t sure about doing X job because there are more capable and educated people on it, that there were more professional and experienced folks who would do it much better than me, and he said I was willing to do it. I promised I would give it a thought, but turns out, after weeks of introspection, I realized it also applies to this blog.
I’m not the best, I don’t want to (if I happen to be the one at some point, then great, but that’s not the goal), but to share my experiences and ideas, get feedback, learn from others, and get better. When I thought about it, it occurred to me that maybe I’m not as inclined to the Gods as others, maybe I’m more into the jinn, and that resonated.
When I started this blog, I felt a big interest in those beings, a was very curious about them, what they could represent, what they could do, and when I read the sha’ir was also in league with them to defend the tribe and get poetic inspiration, the interest grew. Something happened along the way that made me deviate, maybe it was the lack of information, resources I could access, and things haven’t changed that much in these regards, but with a recovered interest I’m inclined to think that things will get better now.
I’m not making any promises, I would decide to do something entirely different after a time, but I feel more optimistic about the future of this blog. Although it may sound weird, having this place to share my thoughts and experiences made me feel more compromised about my practice as an Arabic witch, learning the language, getting more experiences, learning more, and getting better. I may do things differently in a while, I may make a lot of mistakes in the way, but I want to share them and be proud of what I’ve done. It’s part of the practice, and even more when we’re speaking about restarting a practice.