It hasn’t been so long since I experienced Al-‘Uzza healing love, something I keep thinking about now and then, maybe not consciously, but always keep in my mind. Recently, I experienced something for the first time in life: all of a sudden, I was capable of reading coffee grounds, a form of divination known as tasseography and that has been popular in the Arabic world, and has some acceptance in my family.
After another heartbreak, a possible relationship that seemed to go perfectly fine, until I was ghosted, and felt miserable for not having a reason, once again I thought about my Goddesss, and how she helped me before. I didn’t get a cinematic vision in technicolor like before, but I did get something that left me speechless.
I was with my mom and a friend of us, they were using an app to read the coffee grounds, and out of curiosity, just like I’ve done many times before, I got one of the mugs, took a look, and understood what I was seeing. The images I could identify were easy to interpret, as if I had been studying tasseography for a while. For those unfamiliar with it, it’s a form of divination that can be done with coffee, tea leaves, or even wine, and for the record, I have never, ever, studied it.
For a moment, I just said “hey, I know what this thing here means, and this one, and this means…” They basically let me do my thing, we had a good time, and then I got the second mug. However, when I did half of the reading with this one, I got distracted in some way, and when I looked back to the grounds I couldn’t understand anything. I remember there’s a woman who does this form of divination, a friend of the family, that experienced the same: she needs people to let her speak and be done before she does something else, otherwise she won’t be able to finish.
What I found strange at first was that a divination gift would come from Al-‘Uzza, the pre-Islamic goddess of War, Protection, and Healing. I even thought “since when do I know how to read coffee grounds?”, I told one of my friends that I would expect something in line with the areas she’s most commonly associated with. His first response was that “since you opened yourself up to your Goddess… duh…”, and he reminded me that a deity is not limited to a square box.
It’s true that it would have been easier to understand that a divination gift would come from Manat, The pre-Islamic Goddess of Time, Fate and Death, or much easier if it was from Hubal, the pre-Islamic God of Poetry, Divination and Revenge, who has already helped me in past readings. However, I thought that if it came from Al-‘Uzza, or any other deity, then I would receive and honor such a gift, which also means I have some books to read and practice to be done.
I’ve felt so lonely these days that I struggled with many things. My friends know how miserable I’ve felt in the past. I even thought “what’s wrong with me? What do I have that no one wants to be with me?” And doubted my worth many times before, because if I’ve been alone for such a long time, then something must certainly be wrong with me. It’s no secret to any of my friends what a complicated history I have with love. That’s where my Goddess comes in, the second time She helps me heal and feel better after such a bitter time.
It would be impossible to know for sure what will happen from now on, but I do want to think I’ve been doing things the right way if I got this gift. In the early stages of this possible relationship, I got the impression that I would be left alone, I fell from cloud 9 quickly, and then said to myself that if it would happen then I would enjoy my time until then.
Looking back, all I can do is smile. Maybe Al-‘Uzza has behind that, maybe not, but I’m thankful for that glimpse into the future. I know now my worth is not determined by having a partner or not, I certainly would feel better, but it doesn’t define how “good” I am. Someone already reminded me for the second time.