Hope June 21, 2013

It’s kind of crazy how life can change in a blink of an eye.

An unexpected job offer.

A guy or girl you meet.

Or even…

A phone call carrying bad news.

A crash on the way to or from somewhere.

Life is filled with twists, turns, and unexpected happenings, both good and bad. I guess that’s what makes life, well, life.

This week it randomly dawned on me that some of you out there might have just experienced the best week of your entire lives thus far, but on the other end of things some of you might have experienced one of the worst weeks of your entire lives.

When I was in high school, still a teenager, I had one of the worst moments of my life, which lead to months of depression, years of restoration, and hours of therapy.

Things had not been going well at home, constant fighting and bickering, tensions were high, things were bad. It was beyond the typical high school aged kid, “not-liking” their parents.

In mid January, some years ago, I pulled into the driveway, walked up to the front door, only to find that it was locked. The door was never locked, we always left it open.

I rang the doorbell a few times.

My dad came and answered.

In his hands he carried a duffle bag, and in the other a bible.

He sat the duffle bag down in front of me, and then extended the bible out towards me and then said, “I’m sorry but you’re no longer welcome in our house.”

It was short, cold, and to the point.

I didn’t fight it.

I didn’t argue against it.

I just left.

I think the only thing that got me through that time was my ignorance. My lack of knowledge and understanding that I was homeless at the age of eighteen, with nothing but a bible and a duffle bag packed full of random clothing.

I read a quote the other day by Brennan Manning, it read: “If we conceal our wounds out of fear & shame, our inner darkness can neither be illuminated nor become a light for others.”

I simply say this, because this is why I started blogging, speaking, writing, and sharing my story.

Some of you are coming off the worst day, moment, week, or possibly even year of your life. You don’t currently see a light at the end of the tunnel. You don’t understand why these circumstances have been made yours.

I just want to say to those of you that are feeling this way…

That I’m sorry.

That you’re not alone in this.

That I’m walking with you, alongside many others.

I can’t guarantee you that things will get better. I wish I could…

But I can tell you that I made it through, and in that time, in those months I saw no hope, I saw little reason, I wanted nothing to do with the bible, or the God referenced in it, that my father handed me after informing me he was abandoning and disowning me.

Honestly I want to say that in that moment I kept going, I pushed through, but I didn’t. I contemplated suicide, I gave up on life… until someone came along side me and took me in, loved me the way I feel God would, that being, without condition.

Since then that is what I’ve wanted to dedicate my life to: loving, caring, and serving others in need and on the outskirts of this world. I feel like the outskirts of this world, is where Jesus would be, and I think that’s where Jesus wants us as Christians to be, hanging out with those on the outskirts of this world.

As a Christian, as a person I have nothing really to offer but hope and love through my presence, I do not come with wise or persuasive words that will heal, and I hope that I can continue to do more than just write 500 word blog posts, but I can be present for those in need, just as others have done for me.

What’re your thoughts and experiences in dealing with sudden turns and changes in life, good or bad?

[I know this is just a “blog” but the thing I’ve loved about it is connecting with many of you all over the country (some in other countries), if you find yourself in a situation with no to talk to please email me, I’d love to be someone that can be there for and with you in this time.]

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  • I have a history of dealing with mediocre problems poorly and enormous problems really well. But I do want to pass on the knowledge I’ve gained in those times to help others as well as learn from the people trying to pass on their knowledge to me.


  • Great post-I can’t imagine being kicked out at 18. Our son (19) was playing frisbee just yesterday when an acquaintance of his-just 19 too-dropped and had a heart attack. We had just had a big argument with our son before he left to play. That could have been him. Life is jus to short and to unpredictable to carry hate for other people.

  • marvelyne

    this is so incredibly beautiful and intimate and open… thank you for sharing your heart and experiences. i truly believe it is the very best thing we have to offer others, and you are doing it with such tenderness.

  • Thanks so much Marvelyne, that means a lot :)