If this isn’t it, then what is?

I recently heard, “Frustration is a spiritual gift…”

In response to that, I must say, thank you God… for this gift.

But I’ve been struggling more then I expected… again I want this blog to be as authentic and real as I can make it. I’ve been dealing struggling with doubt more then I care to admit.

As many of you who have been following my journey, I’ve asked, struggled, and battled with doubt and unanswered questions.

Though the main question that has been on my mind most recently is:

If this isn’t it then what is?

If the sum of church is NOT, get together on sunday listen to a speaker, sing a few songs, repeat doxology then go home, then what is?

It’s been different now that I’ve just about completely stopped attending church sunday morning program. It’s been kinda awkward too. That is, attempting to be the church rather then just attending the “church”.

I mean essentially what I’m asking is how do you do church without a building or program?

We see Jesus placing himself with the marginalized, the hated, and despised… The prostitutes, the tax collectors, the leopar’s, the homeless, the blind, the lame, the poor… THE OUTCAST essentially.

Jesus went to the missions field he didn’t create a missions field and invite people to it…

He didn’t bring the marginalized to Him. He went to where the marginalized were. He stepped out of the comfortable and into our world filled with pain and hurt, and embraced us despite the discomfort…. this was not a one week missions trip, or a child he gave 40 bucks a month to…

This was His life.

His calling.

Jesus gave up everything, to serve others. Should he not expect the same from us? That we give everything up to serve him?

I mean the radical part about Christianity that has seemed to have gone missing has been how Jesus and the apostles completely lost sight of themselves and gained sight of others. Loving them unconditionally. Sometimes I feel like church is more about us then it is about God and that we’ve, if I may, “coddled” our congregations so much that we’ve deceived them into believing it’s all about them… (another reason i quit, I just couldn’t do that anymore let alone get paid to do that…)

You guys say, “I need this type of personality on stage, this type of music, I want you to disciple my kids, lead my neighbors to the lord, feed me, and i’ll pay you to do it, and if I don’t like the way you do it, I’ll find another church who will do it my way…” that’s weird… – Francis Chan

I’ve been asking myself over and over again this past week, “Why is it that modern day Christians look so drastically different from Christians 2,000 years ago?” And whats killed me even more so then this question is when I turn it around and ask myself, “Why does MY LIFE look so different then that of what the apostles, disciples, and followers of Jesus looked like 2,000 years ago?”

So then, the question still remains, if not this, then what?