To Live is Christ

After becoming a Christian, I went to therapy. Yeah…

I literally went to therapy because I thought that I’d completely lost it and gone crazy.

I mean think about it:

…To dedicate your entire life, and existence to a man, born of a virgin, who lived a perfect life, and was then killed for it. While believing He is someday going to return riding on a white horse, then taking it as far as, being in passionate love with this “God”…?

Who wouldn’t take a step back, look at themselves in the mirror and wonder,

“Have I completely lost it?”

The straw that broke the camels back, the thing that pushed me over the edge and consider the idea that I might be crazy was the fact that I wasn’t the same person. To an extent, it seemed destructive:

I wanted to sell everything, all of my possessions.

I suddenly cared about the disenfranchised, the marginalized, those whom are found on the outskirts of our society,

I lost site of my future, my career path became blurry.

I even tried to get martyred.

Most terrifyingly to me, was that I began to like reading…

I know what you’re thinking… “I can’t stand ‘new Christian’s.’ Well, Neither can I, because we’re/they’re annoying.

“I totally feel called to go to Africa…” #SaidEveryNewChristianEver

[But, back to what I saying…]

The entire trajectory, focus, and path of my life had changed.

In an attempt to become normal again, I talked to my atheist friends in an effort to become an atheist. I stopped reading inspirational Christian literature, or anything that might encourage my erratic thoughts and behavior…

But in the end, I couldn’t shake it, I still felt crazy, I still wanted to learn, talk about, and worse off, become more like this person Jesus… 

“But if I say, ‘I will not mention him or speak anymore in his name,’ his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot.” (Jeremiah 20:9, ESV)

I was looking at the words of Jesus, the call he incites on his disciples, the cost of discipleship he lays out, and I felt like a nutcase looking at the church, and feeling as if I’m taking these scriptures too literally, and way too seriously…

Pastor after pastor I talked to, agreed, we’re called to live radically, but pastor after pastor seemed to do the opposite of what the text describes as “living radically.”

So I thought – if everyone else is living this way – and I’m seemingly the only one desiring to go in the exact opposite direction… I must be the one who is wrong.

I didn’t know if it was pride, past issues that caused me to rebel against authority, or if it was really the spirit of God in me. But just reading the bible, it seemed to be clear and simple:

God is worth everything, and if we love God, commit our lives to God, our lives will look and be drastically different, than what they were without God.

Though I still wanted to be sure.

To be sure of the fact that I had heard God’s call on my life correctly, that I had interpreted his word, the bible, as well as I can, and that this wasn’t some crazy voice, interpretation, or doctrine in my head that I had imagined or self constructed.

I mean, I figured, this book, is what I’m basing the entirety of my life off of, it’s what I sacrificed my identity for, and I know very little about it. Shoot, at that time, I had yet to even read the entirety of it.

I wanted to know, “is this book credible, can it be trusted?”

I wanted to know, “am I translating and interpreting it correctly?”

I’ve learned that from a purely academic stance, it’s hard to deem this book credible, let alone devote your life too it…

I’ve learned that, as an academic, you can interpret the bible just about any way you want.

But more importantly…

What I learned was in the end I haven’t given my life to the bible.

I have not dedicated my entire existence to these creeds, or our doctrine, or even to this leather bound book we know of as the word of God’s.

I’ve dedicated my life to JESUS, and through his spirits power and indwelling presence, the word of God has become real, objective, and alive. It’s gone from a leather bound book we argue about to a becoming a life I incarnate, a person I follow, and the Spirit I trust and depend in, with, and through…

In the book of Acts, chapter 26, Paul stands before King Agrippa and Festus, giving his testimony and encounter with Christ that altered the trajectory of his life bringing him there before this council…

Part way through Festus interrupts and asks Paul if he is “out of his mind”…?

He’s burning bridges, he’s (in their mind’s) unnecessarily suffering, but for some reason he can’t stop risking his life or suffering for the sake of the gospel…

It’s not insane. To Paul it was and was reasonable.

Paul, he didn’t have the bible, or the historicity of the Church at that time… What he did have though was an encounter with the living God, and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. He had exactly what we have, and what we need to use in order that we might continue on.

This is why Paul got it, this is why many of you also get it, and you’re just like me, wondering, and asking yourself “Is it just me, or are other’s not getting it…”

To live is Christ, to die is gain.

[This path – this journey it’s tough – let’s not do it alone, I’d love it if you joined along side this community, feel free to shoot me your email below so we can further connect]