10 Things You Probably Shouldn’t Say to Moms of Boys

10 Things You Probably Shouldn’t Say to Moms of Boys January 29, 2015

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When I was about twelve years old, I told my mom that I thought God would make me a mother of boys someday.  Boy oh boy, was I right!!

I am days away from having our FOURTH bouncing boy, and I have certainly received some funny responses from people when I tell them the news.

 

Having four boys, with no girls in the mix or on the horizon, is somewhat of a novelty.  Believe me, I had to overcome my initial shock at the prospect of so many males in my household.  As I have been out and about with my three boys, sporting my huge pregnant belly, I have received some interesting comments, usually from curious strangers.   The obvious first question I get is, “So, are you finally having a girl?”.  When I explain that we are having yet another boy, and this pregnancy will most likely be our last, the responses become rather amusing and sometimes downright depressing.  So, after chatting with some other fellow moms who only have sons and gleaning from personal experience, I’ve complied a list of 10 things that you probably SHOULD NOT say to mothers of boys:

 

1. “You’re lucky; boys are so much easier than girls.”

Really?!  My boys have torn my cornea FIVE times…forcing me to wear eye patches…due to engaging in their physical play.  I wouldn’t consider that EASY.

 

2. “Well, boys love their mommies.”

Um, do girls not love their mommies as well?

 

3.  “Don’t worry, you’ll have daughters-in-law some day.”

Yes, we so look forward to embracing our daughters-in-law someday, but that is hardly the same thing as raising a little girl. Sheesh!

 

4.  “Bless your heart.”

Thank you.  I will take all the blessings I can get.

 

5. “Well, aren’t you the Queen of your household!”

Funny, I feel more like a referee…or maybe a monkey trainer.

 

6.  “Be glad you only have boys.  You won’t have to deal with as much drama in your home.”

Please tell this to my emotionally charged nine year old who just cried over not getting the particular airsoft gun he wanted.  I guess it is more of a personality thing than a gender thing.

 

For a funny read on a dramatic parenting moment, check out  “3 Lessons Learned from a Total Mommy Meltdown”.

 

7.  “Boys are so much cheaper than girls.”

Really?  When you add up all the sports fees, hobby costs, and name brand socks and tennis shoes that boys seem to want these days, boys aren’t cheap at all.  Oh, did I mention the crazy amount of food consumption in our home?

 

8.   “You’ll have so much more peace and quiet when they leave home, because boys don’t come around as much…or call.”

Wow, that’s something to look forward to….(tear, sniffle).

 

9.  “Boys will respect your privacy more.”

Nope.  Mommy’s bathroom breaks are their favorite time to chat it up…at least in this season while they are little.  Sometimes they even ask to see what’s inside the bowl when I’m finished.  Yeah, no privacy here.

 

10.  “Who’s going to look after you when you are old or ill?  Maybe you will have a nice daughter-in-law to do the job.”

Yikes!  My husband and I vowed to lean on each other when we are old or sick, but we also want to teach our boys that we each have a responsibility to do our part in caring for others, including aging parents.  I certainly don’t consider that a female-only role or responsibility.

 

With all of that said, I love my boys to the moon and back and feel tremendously blessed to have each of them.  I love being their mommy.  Let’s face it; motherhood is a challenge whether you have boys or girls, but it is worth every minute…no matter what anyone may tell you.

 

 

 

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  • yvonne

    Lmbo!! I too am a proud mom of 4 sons. I’ve heard ALL these and then some. People just don’t think before they speak.

  • Sherry

    I also have 4 amazing boys. “You really need a baby girl” “are you going to try for that girl?” “Boy, you sure have your hands full” and on, and on… “You poor thing” is my personal favorite – right in front of my boys. Seriously?!? I am so lucky to have each of them and God knew exactly what he was doing when he gave them to me.

  • Anna Thomas Maggard

    “were you trying for a girl” is one that I didn’t like. We have 4 boys by birth and one by adoption. Yes, when we adopted, we adopted another boy.

  • Rebekah Doubledee-Clark

    I have one boy and two girls. My son is just as challenging to raise as my girls! Every child has their own unique personality! And I love all my children to death!!! They are my life!!! Whether boy or girl, children are a blessing! 🙂

  • Guest

    Mom of 7 boys. My best friends are moms of boys too. Those are the people that we spend the most time with over the course of your children’s youth and they are the moms that I have the most in common with. It’s been a blast–other than that one summer that we were on a first name basis with the attending docs in the ER. They are mostly out of the nest now and we miss the noise and all the laughter. My favorite comment…when I was pregnant with #7, someone came up to our family and said, “Oh you must be REALLY hoping for that girl.” My boys all started laughing and in unison said, “A girl, (yuck) what would we do with a girl?”

  • Mkruns

    Regarding #6 – as a dad of 3 boys (a “BOGO” and a single) I have found that girls may bring the drama, but boys bring complete chaos.

  • orangekitties

    Wow. Some people can be so rude! I’m sure all your boys are (and will be) lovely and make you both very happy!

    I actually take offense at 10. I don’t think ANY parent should bank on relying on ANY of their children to take care of them when they’re old– what I mean by that is, I think it’s certainly okay to ask for help now and then, but parents should do their absolute best to ensure that they have enough saved up to take care of themselves in retirement, not actively PLAN on being a burden to their adult kids (who may have expensive children, a mortgage, health problems, student loans, other financial burdens, etc. etc. themselves by then). The fact that these people were telling you that you’ll have to rely on your kids like it’s an inevitability (and why just female kids?! Why are the males exempt from helping their parents if the females aren’t?! Why aren’t they contributing to their 401k’s?! WTF kind of logic is that, man) is concerning. My parents made sure they were putting a good amount of their paychecks away so they won’t have to stress us out with bills we can’t afford. They always taught us that responsibilities like that came first,
    instead of blowing it all on expensive cars or gaming systems or designer clothing like a lot of my friends’ parents did.

  • Stevie Ozanich

    I feel the same way I have 5 boys and just gave up yes boys are a handful especially in groups

  • BedfordFalls

    Eight sons and two daughters (in that order). Boys are not harder or easier; just different. When 3 or more boys are in the same room at the same time, they begin “boying around.” No other way to describe the rough, crude, wild fun that they always seem to have together–even as they have gotten older (ages 12-26 now).

  • Jennifer Lynn Smith

    I don’t think “taking care of” is meant in a financial way. When my grandparents were older, my mom and a few of her siblings took on being there for their parents. Whether it be attending nursing home meetings, taking them to appointments, helping with their shopping (with checking accounts in my grandparents’ names) etc. I plan on doing the same for my parents if and when the time comes.

  • Sarah Buxton Sanchez

    I think that comment #10 refers more to the emotional support from a child rather than financial. There are a lot of things that elderly parents may need help with as they lose their independence but before they need to live in a place with assistance. For example, my grandma lost her husband 15 years before she died. She often needed help to complete tasks around the house or to take her grocery shopping (not to actually pay for these things) not to mention the extreme comfort brought by family who would come by for frequent visits. I agree that parents shouldn’t expect their children to support them financially or even house them as they age, but I sure hope my boys would care enough for me to just be there for me if my husband passes before I do.

  • Jesse

    I have 3 boys, and then a girl. I got all the comments when I was pregnant (we didn’t find out) and now I get “You finally got your girl!!!”. Which is funny because I had no preference and at times wanted the 4th boy. Now I really enjoy having a girl but that was never the goal. The 3 boys are like wild animals! But so is the girl from growing up with 3 wild animals. Yet she also likes her puffy dresses and pink stuff. When I had just the 3 boys, I got a lot of those boy comments too. I think their characteristics have more to do with personality than gender too! Good luck!

  • Steve Heath

    We have seven boys. Love ’em all. Wouldn’t trade any one of them for a girl.

  • Steve Heath

    (Mom is writing this, by the way.)

  • momof2

    as an only girl with 4 brothers please don’t try to have that girl without planning on trying for another…being the only girl with 4 brothers really sucks when you get older 🙁

  • Jacqueline Broadley

    What annoys me about some of thease things people say iv got 2 girls and a girl on the way I get people saying this time it may be a boy iv been pregnant 9 times to get my 2 girls and can’t carry boys I’m just happy that baby comes out ok who cares what sex we have

  • Steph

    As mom of boys I heard these and it didn’t bother me. What did bother me was comments of surprise at the age spacing. I started to avoid answering questions about how many kids, how old? ( not easy- you have to have to practically avoid talking at all because it’s one of the first things people say!! ) Because people were always like “oh that’s unusual.” “um thank you!?” I would reply in hopes they would rethink their response to my family stats. I really got sick of it. Some people don’t consider not everyone wants to share their life story with random strangers or acquaintances – it might not all be joyful. Changing the subject abruptly can work. People should really learn how to converse about more then gender and age of kids!
    But passes to them all because they are just trying to fill the awkward silence that comes when they can’t think of more thoughtful conversation with someone they don’t know well. Or maybe some even cared. The art of small talk in this ever growing crowded population needs work.
    I realized I needed to get more positive way of looking at my family problems for my own good and my families good anyway. So still working on that. God Bless.

  • Bethany Day

    Who cares people say a lot of things. You just have to let it go. What bothers me is peoplw get offended by anything anyone says. Is it best they say nothing? Maybe they should not even acknowledge that you are pregnant. I have two boys and I would take two more anyday. I remember being a teenage girl and how crazy emotional I was you could not pay me to go through with that again but on the other side.

  • Well said! Raising children is definitely a challenge regardless of their gender. It’s also a tremendous blessing. Enjoyed your humor and ability to keep it real. It’s definitely a gift that you can take the stupid stuff people say and turn it into something entertaining and educational for the others. Write on!

  • myob20150131

    And why does everyone assume that the children will even live in the same city or part of the world as their parents?

  • hillplus

    My oldest is a girl. Then I got four boys! I tried my best. 😉

  • Lyda Birmingham Barrett

    This is exactly how it is in our house with my 5 boys! I love my boys but I also have just as much drama and financial craziness as my friends with girls. Well said!

  • dullgeek

    As a father of 4 boys, my wife (and I) can relate to these things.

    That said, I am probably more comfortable with just boys. I remember (vividly) what it was like to be a teenage boy and exactly what was in my mind when it came to teenage girls. I think having a daughter might just turn me into the single most paranoid individual who ever lived. My personal memory of being a teenage boy motivates me to teach my sons how to respect girls/women. But if I had a daughter, it would motivate me to pre-emptive strikes. Which makes me thankful I don’t have to deal with who I’d become if I had girls.

  • Bviss

    Well you’re wrong about the cost. I can take you down with our shoe budget alone. But if you want to try sports, for every uniform you have I’ll see it with a $300 cheer uniform and then add 7 other warm up, practice, etc.. outfits/shoes with matching $20 hair bows and jewelry accessories and on and on. They never stop buying stuff until the day the competition is over. They also need $100 make up kits for the competition. Did I mention dance? Think cheer all over again. Your kids spend their free time playing video games and riding bikes. Girls spend it shopping online so they can one up their girlfriends.
    Weddings. Do you have to plan ahead like your kids are going to college twice? I could go on, but my sister has 4 boys and our best friends have 2 and I know I’m right on this one.

  • Bviss

    Your fears are well warranted. And you also have to figure out how not to do all of that and embarrass your daughters but yet still be a protective parent for them.

  • Frank Brewster

    out of my 5 kids the three oldest are girls, and it was a cake walk with them compared to my bratty, nerve wracking, drama queen boys. the girls did what they were told and didnt destroy everything they got there hands on. my boys are crybabies, that listen like as well as a rock, and break everything in the house every chance they get.

  • Guest

    I am an only child who is now caring for my mother as a single person. Trust me when I say there is nothing inherent to being male that says you won’t look after your parents when they are older. It’s really a difference between the difference between having a son who is a boy and one who is a man.

  • Amanda

    Oh my goodness! That is exactly our family and how I felt. I’ve had all the comments as well. We weren’t trying for a girl, we we’re just blessed with a girl. She, too, is like a wild animal because she has three older brothers to emulate.

  • Marla Woody

    Love this! I feel so much better about my monkey training career! We have 3 boys and 1 girl (no she’s not the youngest because we “had to try one more time to get our girl”). With our boys in young adulthood 21 and 18, I can assure you they come around! They j now when dinner is and I also have many “strays” who get drug home because “my mom always has food made”. We are just beginning to experience serious girlfriends and that’s pretty fun too! If you can hang in through the sweat sick balls they leave in the couch cushions, holes in the wall from a rogue foot during a professional wrestling challenge, a few broken windows when someone says ” I totally thought he would catch that!”, you’ll be fine! (I’m going to put “intact corneas on my thankful list”). You’re in for a treat…I promise! I would not trade one minute….well, maybe a couple…

  • Brenda Brassard

    I love this! As an older mom of both and my only grandchild is a nine year old boy, I can honestly say – our children are just that – our children, not a sex! There are pros and cons with both sexes but we would die for them all. They are a blessing and I would not want to do it over without them! I love your little stories with this, it made me laugh.

  • Karen Kennedy Thoms

    people need to lighten up don’t you think?

  • Amy

    I have 4 boys and I’m pretty sure if you add up everything you just mentioned, I spend it on groceries alone- HA HA!!

  • Bviss

    my 14 year old daughter and all of her girlfriends manage to plan meals out at restaurants together after cheer practice or some other social event at least 4 times a week so…..

  • Crystal Seable Nykreim

    Love these! I am a mother of 3 boys and one girl, our last. The thing I always cringe when people say to me is, “OH you finally got your girl!” As if that was the only reason we continued having children!

  • Amanda Bartley-Ramirez

    Hmmm…Let’s see. I have 3 boys each plays a different sport. The oldest plays baseball and football. In baseball, he plays middle school and travel. He plays all position on the field, which means different requirements. He has a 1st base glove ($150), infield/pitcher’s glove ($150), outfield glove ($125), catcher’s glove ($275), Mizuno Catcher’s gear ($350), Mizuno catcher’s bag ($125), -8 composite bat ($350), wooden bat ($125), -3 composite bat ($400), uniforms for away and home ($850), tournament fees each month ($100-$500), gate fees ($300), training fees ($200), Cleats ($150), and practice pants every 2 months($50). That is only ONE child in ONE sport! So YES, boys are VERY expensive. I did not even include the cost to feed them nor cloth them.

  • Christine Alcott

    I am also the mother of 4 boys. As to #1, my oldest broke my nose through energetic play when he was young. Now it just takes a mild tap for me to see stars. And as for #7, TWO of my boys are in dance (Scottish Highland dance). Not only do we travel to competitions, when my oldest son wears his costume, he has more $ on his body than I did on my wedding day! Boys can be quite dramatic! And giggly!

  • Andrea Neurodoc

    Thanks for this. From, mom-of-3-boys, one of whom is such a “drama queen” he gives Anna Karenina a run for her money :>)

  • Bviss

    oh okay I see now you have an extreme case of a high level elite baseball player so therefore you’re expenses are typical of boys. I think I’ll stop responding now.

  • Sarah Pearce

    Sorry I know she has no idea but as the mother of 2 older boys and one younger daughter boys are easier and cheaper and don’t take your jewelry to play with it never to be seen again and don’t grow hair you HAVE to shave and their maturity doesn’t involve blood. Girls do sports too! Drama…girls are much worse than boys to each other. My boys never broke anything on me…..as a girl I never call my family. But that is a German thing I believe. Anyway it can be argued both ways……everyone is an individual.

  • Cat Mom of 8 (aka belaglik)

    #1! Sheesh! I am all for boys will be boys and normal rambunctiousness, but there’s a fine line between being a fun mom that likes to play along and being a doormat that puts up with physical abuse. Your kids are your kids and mine are mine, but I feel that allowing children to seriously injure you on a regular basis sets a very bad precedent and I would not tolerate it with my sons. They not only will think it’s okay to do that, but that Mom will always bounce back like a cartoon character. One day she might not! Also, what if they tried that kind of rough play on elderly Aunt Edna or their sweet little Sunday school teacher? They need to learn that a gentleman does not treat a lady that way. (If Dad is encouraging that rough behavior on Mom, then he is engaging in abuse by proxy and that’s gotta stop.) Teaching boys that there is a time to reign it in a little is also part of being a boy mom. I want my boys to have fun, but I remind them that going to the hospital is not fun for anyone.

    The answer to #3 is easy. Just say, “what if my boys marry other men? Or do you have a problem with that?” That will either shut them up or get them onto a different topic! 😀

  • Cat Mom of 8 (aka belaglik)

    It’s none of anyone’s business either way, but I know many couples who kept at it until they got a boy or girl, especially a boy. My husband wanted to keep trying for a girl until we found out about our son’s disability and decided we needed to put all our efforts into helping him and not have any more children.

  • J Smith

    Totally agree with belaglik on both points. It really is nobody’s business why you had as many children as you did (and that includes whether you had one, or you had none). That being said, there are a LOT of couples that keep trying so they can have kids of both genders. Heck, I personally know a couple that, back in the late 1990s, paid $10K to have the sperm sorted one-by-one so they could have a girl after having two boys. (I just looked it up and the price seems to be down to around $2.5K these days.)

  • Amanda Bartley-Ramirez

    Not Elite! Just a big investment.

    I understand girls are expensive. Each child has a uniqueness. I believe it’s more about the time and effort a parent wants to put into their child.

  • Michele

    That is crazy because that is exactly how my sister-in-law, Jessie’s, children are!! I almost thought that she wrote this but you spell your name differently!! How old are your children?

  • Summer Dean

    As the soon to be mom of 5 boys i can relate to a few of those comments for sure. But you should round out the post with what they should say to you. Help em out 😉 I don’t know if I have the answer. I think I like it best when they say something like “That’s going to be so fun!” because thats what I thought when I found out.

  • Kathy at kissing the frog

    Mom of 5 boys here. I’m sure someone below has said this, but #11 should be, “Are you going to keep trying for a girl?” Thank you, no. My boys are good enough for me. 🙂 I related to ALL of these!!

  • Russell King

    Dad of 3 girls and 3 boys: two each adopted, two each step, two each made from scratch; now ranging in age from mid-20s to 14. Your post confirms what I’ve noticed in my experience: assumptions made about boys and girls and their “differences” have not advanced much in the past 50 years. Seems that most everyone has a box they fit kids into with no information other than their sex. As Sherlock Holmes said, “How perilous it is to reason from insufficient data.”

  • Allal Amrani

    I say you must be a cool Mom to all of your boys, and I bet they will spoil you when they grow up and I know this from experience. A note to all parents who adopted, or married to a spouse with children, please drop the “Adopted and Step.”

  • MoMo

    When I read it, i didn’t think she meant that they were rough housing with her. I was getting more of the idea that she was trying to stop all of them from rough housing with each other.That’s just what i had gotten out of it though.

  • Mike

    For all the misery that is discussed, the solution of not having kids should seriously be considered for anyone wanting to avoid this scenario.

  • Virginia Heiner

    I am guilty of telling mom’s of all our mostly boys. “Bless your heart” only because I have 2 of my own and they are hard. But, maybe it’s OK coming from a fellow mother in the trenches with boys.

  • califmom

    Are you kidding? No way would I take offense at any of these remarks! I have 2 boys and love every minute of their mud, Nerf guns, video games and noise. I am SO GLAD I don’t have girls. The drama, the pretty pink princess movies, worrying about the dates, listening to gossip–ugh! Give me boys anytime. My 2 brothers call my mom all the time. They take her out to dinner and make sure she’s ok. She goes to lunch with my oldest brother every week. My husband and I are teaching our boys to be gentlemen and to love and honor their parents.

  • z–man

    Of all the people I’ve talked to, the general consensus is this: “Give me girls until the age of 12. From there on, I’ll take boys!”

  • z–man

    In the deep South, saying “Bless your heart” is a polite way of saying: “You’re an idiot”. lol

  • Kim Wiese

    I have two of each, boys and girls. Wouldn’t trade any of them for anything. They’re grown, all get along with each other, and they all love me and their dad. Enjoy those tussling years and swimming in that testosterone ocean!

  • BrendaK

    Mostly, but not always. It’s all in the inflection!

  • Except that with our two youngest boys we have to watch out for predatory girls who see them as their ticket out of this “one-horse” town. We had one girl and then four boys. I love them all; each is an individual and precious.

  • With our five children, one girl and four boys I often felt like I was herding cats. Never though about monkeys, but that fits too. Early on we did decide that this was an eighteen year training program which helped us to be patient. We have three adults now and the last two almost there. Everything has been worth it. I love our adult children and consider them my best friends.

  • Jay Strickland

    On #7 girls want to do sports and hobbies too which means name brand sneakers and socks as well.

  • dullgeek

    As a father of four sons, I have four boys to worry about. If I had just one daughter i’d have a lot more boys to worry about.

    The curse of every father of teenage daughters is remembering what they were like as a teenage boy.

    I’m sure I would have loved having a daughter. And I really wanted one of them to be a girl. But as our youngest approaches 10, I really don’t wish it turned out differently.

  • Becca B

    Or I bet you have so many kids because you were trying for a girl.

  • Shawn Sisler

    Dear Ashley, ah BS… boys come home just as often or even more so. Please, I raised 3 biological sons and 4 sons God gave me through foster care.. and trust me, they all come home. My youngest is 17 and still at home, there is also my 23 year old who just came back from the Marines after his duty was up, my 24 year old who is home from the Marines after his tour was up, my 24 year old, all home for a while Mom..The rest are in and out of here every time their fridge gets low, or they need to talk, or they want to play PS3 with their brothers, or in some instances with mom just so they can kick my butt, or they need dad to help with a car, truck, motorcycle, stereo, whatever is need of repair. Most of the boys live 9 to 15 miles away and make it home at least 4 times a week, whereas my best friend only sees her girls a couple times a week and they live a few blocks apart. Chin up hon, boys never ever outgrow mom.

  • Shawn Sisler

    Actually, it’s “Bless your little ole heart”, for the idiots. If they are really beyond help it’s “Bless your little ole pea picking heart”.

  • khemming

    As a mother of three girls with no boys in sight, I say the following. Each child is different. Some like princess movies, other’s minecraft. Some like dance, others like sports. Some like to get dirty, others want to stay clean. Some play rough, others are quiet. Some are easy, and some come with drama. And this diversity is just among my three girls. I am sure the same is true if I had three boys. Gender in not decisive of anything. Each child, like each adult is different, diverse and an individual. Sure I would have loved to have a boy thrown in the mix, but everyday I spend with my children is a day I cherish, and I wouldn’t change a thing about ’em

  • Pam Clayton Pylant

    I have three boys and I have heard each of the 10 things you listed numerous times. I ignore them all because each family is different….later in life I had the joy of acquiring three daughters along with my new husband…..and just let me say…..there are all kinds of joy ,funny, messy, drama, meltdowns, highs , lows, clean, dirty, hungry, finicky, protective, carefree, destructive, creative, mean and tender moments from my boys and my girls…..not a lot of difference in money, mental, or preparation……and yes. …I have been praying for great daughter in laws ;)…..but i have some pretty great BOYS! 🙂

  • Jennifer Twilley

    I told my husband I’d have a football team, but if we started having girls, we’d start rethinking our procreation. Now, we’re pregnant with our second boy, and I’m elated!! I can’t wait for more boys!

    Girls are ok, too, I guess ;0

  • Terry Ramsey Haskins

    I have a daughter (32) and a son (29) and i will say that my son was A LOT easier than my daughter. i have often said that two Seans would have been a piece of cake but if i had two Krystals, someone wouldn’t have survived. but……i don’t think it had anything to do with their gender, just their personalities. my daughter has 2 boys 14 and 11 months and 3 girls 11, 7 and 3. the 14 year old is going through puberty and he is a hot mess, just as bad as any teenage girl i’ve ever known…..and this was Nonnie’s angel baby…..this too shall pass. the 11 year old was a mean little crybaby when she was younger…she didn’t like anyone. now, she is the most sane, loving, least crybaby of my 5 grandchildren. kids go through things just like everyone else, just roll with it. it will make for great and embarrassing stories to share with their spouses.

  • SimplySeppy

    I have 5 sons. And, their father is Mexican. When they were young, the little old Mexican ladies would give me these big grins and always tell me, “Oh! You are SO lucky! 5 paychecks!” Thank heaven I have a good thought filter, because I always wanted to answer, “Yes, because that’s the only reason I had children.”

  • sydney

    Ashley-I would have told you to “embrace the chaos” Boys are fun and different than girls. Just run with it….;)

  • ashleywillis4

    So wise! Thank you 🙂

  • Jen

    As mom of four girls and one son. … I can say that boys’ sports fees hardly justify as a way that they are NOT less expensive than girls. I appreciate that you didn’t specifically say these reasons make them MORE expensive than girls. My girls ALL play sports – softball, ballet, gymnastics, cheer, even football. Regardless of gender, sports, gear, and clothing& shoes are expensive.
    Also, the love of a son IS different than a daughter’s.

  • melinda

    I royally agree, I am a mother of 5 boys, always thought I wanted a girl. Mind you being a ton boy myself I enjoyed all the boy stuff. But it wasn’t until after I married my second husband that has 2 boys and 2 girls that I quickly realized that how much God loved me for not giving me girls. My boys are now crim ages 12-24 and I wouldn’t change a bit of it. And as for taking care of you? Well my boys are the best caretakers anyone could ever ask for. When I don’t feel good them are great at playing the”mommy role”.
    Hang in there sweetie it will all be worth it.
    Good Bless.

  • RobynHyde

    Is THIS pregnancy a girl?

    *Light laugh* “Not this one!” And here, you can have your dagger back. Sorry about the blood on it. My bad.

  • Cindy Brigham

    You’re going to be fine Ashley! My daughter Amy also has 4 sons- when the fourth one came they were all 5 and under. Fast forward 10+ years she feels like she’s in a frat house most days but wouldn’t trade her life for anything. She has a healthy sense of humor, a pinch of insanity, and a suburban! As a labor and delivery nurse her “favorite” comment was- “don’t you know what’s causing that yet?”

  • Jolene Barlow Tanner

    I come from a large family. One of my sisters has 8 boys. NO girls. She loves the comments and stares she got when they were all little. 7 of them were all under 12 years of age. The last one came a few years latter. Surprise!!! They are now all 18 and older. She has 5 daughter in laws and 13 grandkids. They all get together every Sunday. They love having all boys. Enjoy.

  • Cynthia Rainey

    I have two boys. The food consumption is astronomical at this age (16 and 13). I feel like taking a loan out when I go to the grocery store! As far as the privacy issue, I hate to tell you that, so far, it hasn’t changed much. I think they have radar and feel compelled to ask me a question through the door EVERY TIME. I have one to add, “Girls go through more laundry because they are always changing clothes”. Nope, boys get dirty, change clothes and get dirty again. Repeat several times.:-)

  • Natalie

    Is the jealousy spoken or assumed? Admiration is not jealousy; maybe they see your daughter and think she is pretty (as a mother to a young boy, I admire other people’s cute kids all the time. They do the same with my son and I do not believe there to be any jealousy). Or perhaps they like the relationship they see between the two of you when you are out together.

    As far as commentary to other parents who have only boys, only girls, or any parenting arrangement that differs from your: If you struggle with what to say, say nothing. A best practice too little applied in general.
    If all else fails, a “congratulations” re the current pregnancy will usually suffice.

  • eelo

    Why do people feel like they *have* to say something? It’s as if they want to take this wonderful, amazing, personal, intimate thing (your pregnancy) and turn it into something about them.

    We have four girls. I had an amniocentesis during our last pregnancy and the intern mis-read it: “XX-Boy!” For a weekend we thought we were having a boy after three girls and the number of “Oh, you finally got your boy!” comments were incredibly disheartening.

    We got what we got, regardless of gender, and this is our child who is born into a family of wonderful loving parents and fabulous older siblings. On Monday morning the doctor confirmed my suspicion (ummm, XX is a girl, yo) that we were having our fourth girl.

    She was/is just as amazing as her older sisters. They’re grown now; the youngest turns 21 in a few short months. I tell people “When they said girls I thought they said “pearls,” and I said I want a strong of ’em!”

    So you can say “I thought they said ‘toys’ and I said Yes, I want a houseful!”

    You have a beautiful family.

  • eelo

    LOL @ “…feels like a frat house…”

  • Diane Gilinger

    I have 4 boys. Three of them are married. You never get as close to your daughter-in-law as you would your daughter. I would love a daughter to shop with. I think I would see my grandchildren more often if they were my daughters & not my sons. There’s more to having a little girl than dressing her up in cute clothes and hair ribbons & bows. She eventually becomes your best friend. Proms are more fun when it’s your daughter in a beautiful dress rather than your son in a tux. You become closer to your daughter when she gets married & has children of her own. I love my sons but it would have been nice to have just one daughter. My mom passed 13 years ago & she was my best friend. I don’t have any sisters. Oh, poor me.

  • Diane Gilinger

    There’s a special place in Heaven for the mother of 4 boys!!!

  • Lisa John Rupertus

    This cracked me up! I have 3 boys and I’m expecting #4. I hear a lot of these things. The drama one cracks me up the most… since we are approaching the teen years – I feel like I’ve been lied to. There is more drama then a soap-opera some days! LOL! #boymomsunite

  • Kristina Hicks

    I have 2 boys and a girl, with my little girl trailing behind my boys by 10 and 7 years. She was a unique surprise, I had thought I was done, she was conceived on birth control. I have to say some of the things in this article that people have said can be true.

    #1 My daughter is harder than both of my boys combined were at her age. She is more emotional, demanding, requires more attention and gets in to all my clothes and makeup. When I have brought this up to other mom friends with both genders they say the theory that boys are harder cause girls are more quiet and calm is a lie.

    Yes, my boys were more rough and tumbley (my youngest at age 2 gave me my only ever bloody nose) but they are mostly straight forward, my daughter is like a mini mental terrorist.

    #7 So far (my kids are 15, 12, and 5) my daughter has been more expensive than my boys. Dressing boys requires underwear, socks, pants, shirt and shoes.

    Girls require underwear, under dress and skirt shorts, socks, tights, leggings, dresses, skirts, tutus, shirts, shirts that go under dresses, shirts that can be worn with skirts, shirts that can be worn alone, pants, shoes for play, cute shoes for dresses.

    Then the hair, hair clips, hair bands, barrettes, pony tail holders, de-tangling spray and more shampoo/conditioner the longer the hair grows.

    I think the more boys you have the harder it gets because there is more wrestling, louder arguments, more trips to the ER, and more risk of bodily injury due to rambunctiousness, more smells as they grow, and a bigger grocery bill. People who only have one, or even worse, no boys, do not understand the blessings that come along with having multiple boys. There is nothing sweeter, more gratifying, more heart melting than watching the interplay between brothers when they are standing up for each other, taking care of each other, playing with each other and just being brothers.

    Moms of boys have unique struggles that moms of girls do not experience, moms of girls also have unique struggles that moms of boys do not experience. But both genders bring blessings, love, and happiness regardless of the number they come in.

  • Penny Pingleton

    I have four boys and grew up with only one sister and I would actually argue that it is perfectly fine to say most if not all of those comments and not only that but I would agree with most of them with the exception of #8. That is yet to be seen, but I think how much a child is there for their parents growing old has a lot to do with how they grew up.People really should take everything so seriously. When people say things like the above comments to me I just laugh and agree.

  • Debunked

    It is admiration too, but it is also jealousy with some moms. I did not say all moms.

  • Debunked

    There is nothing wrong with dissent as long as it is done appropriately. There is nothing wrong with a rebuttal. I can equally say that the article is offensive to mothers of girls.

  • Debunked

    I don’t think I said anything offensive. I appropriately mentioned my opinion. I almost did say nothing, but the article invokes a response in Disqus (a forum for the public). I said this because I am pretty good at reading people. I just want people to realize how they are acting. See how you feel about this article. It is offensive and the reverse. http://mom.me/mind-body/2625-what-not-to-say-to-moms-of-girls/

  • Debunked

    There shouldn’t be a commentary for only boys and girls. It’s freedom of speech, but it is rude to write. It’s isolating to others. This is a public forum. It is just small talk. People should not be bothered by these ten things. I have a special needs child. I hear so many worse things.

  • Debunked

    All children are gifts from God. My daughter has autism. Continue to be thankful for your sons. They are healthy. Mine is not. She is a gift from God, but you have no idea how thankful you are.

  • Mouse

    I’m going to pray this was poor phrasing on your part, otherwise what I just read translates to ‘I’m thankful for my daughter, but sometimes I resent her’ and no good parent worth their salt would ever be that disgusting. My son is on the spectrum. He’s 8. Yes, things get difficult but I love him the most during those moments because that’s what he needs. That’s what all children like him need. Not some adult who gets jealous because of other children society would consider ‘normal’.

    Despite my son being on the spectrum, I still consider everything about him normal. Rethink your statement and your mindset and then go hug your daughter and tell her you love everything about her because that’s what she deserves. Not a parent making comments like yours.

  • Debunked

    I resent her disability not her. Thank you for pointing this out. I mean this from the bottom of my heart. I just got done PrAying for her.

  • Aaron s

    Mouse, why don’t you ease up a bit. I think EVERY parent goes through degrees of emotions with their children, whether disabled, autistic or not. It’s called HUMAN NATURE. It does not mean you don’t love your children any less. It means you’re a parent! I think you need to rethink your comment, as well

  • Diane Cherechinsky

    Diane you are so right.I have two sons and a daughter,she is the baby of the family.Once she got over her teen years we became best friends.When she was younger I sewed all her school clothes,prom and homecoming gowns.Helped her with her babies.Am helping her through a difficult marriage.I am her shoulder to cry on her confidant. My oldest son is a “momma’s boy” always was and always will be.My second son is far from the family,but that’s ok,he is a great dad,great husband and fabulous provider.Everything they have is paid for,morgage free,daughter through college and he is only 48 yrs’ old.The only thing is we are not very close.He was very independent from toddler on. This comment is totally about our children and sooooooooooooo proud to be their mom

  • Kina

    Add “At least they won’t get pregnant” on that list.

  • Mich Per

    I have 6 daughters. 🙂 I can relate to your story, everyone always asked when I was having a boy. Boys are easier, etc. God made me a mom to 6 girls for a reason!!

  • I know this all too well, and I only have two boys (three if you count the husband). After my second one was born, I was asked if I were going to try for a girl. The shocked look on people’s faces when I said no was priceless. I was also told that I made such pretty babies, that I should have more. What?! I wanted two kids, I got two kids, and I don’t mind in the least that they are both boys. In fact, I wanted boys, not girls, but I ate my words on the reason why (I too felt girls were more dramatic than boys, but my four year old is such a drama king). 🙂

  • Brandy Blain

    I have four kids. Twins in the middle. People have often looked at my youngest, and commented that they couldn’t believe I had another kid after twins. I used to ignore it. Now I tell them to their face how rude they are.

  • Lisa Brubaker

    I have 4 boys and no girls. I agree with everything you said! Austin (when he was 6 mos) tore my cornea too. And it was after I cut his nails.
    The wrestling and food consumption in our house is INSANE! Oh and the broken things/stuff bc they were rough housing….it adds up to hurt our budget.
    My boys are well-behaved– they have their moments- but are GREAT kids. Most of the mishaps happen bc they can’t go outside and burn off energy. ( Snowstorms etc)…
    I’ll add another comment I got that hurt when I was pregnant with 4th son: ” I just prayed for a girl. You should try that. It worked for us.”
    I did pray –faithfully .Unlike some of my other friends- I’m very feminine and desire to take time to look good. I thought for sure I was going to have girls– but God had other plans. We are also finished having children.
    Thanks for writing this article

  • Ken Reed

    I have three daughters, no sons. Worried a tad about the girls getting pregnant, but none did.

  • Kimberley

    “mini mental terrorist”…I love this!! LOL, I have only one boy, wanted a girl when I was pregnant, but now realize that, emotionally, I couldn’t handle any extra female hormones in close proximity to me. I have enough of my own.

  • Lynn Norton

    Unfortunately it’s true, my boys never call. There’s no anger or animosity there, it’s just that they have their own lives. I don’t want to guilt them by saying one day I won’t be here… but it really, really hurts.

  • Joe Dean

    We have 4 boys and our 5th child was a girl. So I can relate, because we heard all those before having our daughter. Now that we finally have a daughter we get a whole slew of other comments. So even if you do decide to have a 5th and get a girl like we did, expect a whole new set of comments to arise.

  • Kenita Willis

    Smh, I have 4 boys……my oldest is 21, the best child ever…..but the last 3 ….9,8 and 6….I don’t know if I’m coming or going!!! Great thing is my oldest and I talk everyday….he moved to TX and I thought I’d die….but he’s doing very well and I’m so proud of him. We even watch tv while talking and laughing!!!

  • Marguerite Sommers

    I have 3 sons…2 were married & now divorced & 1 had a child with his girlfriend…they too are no longer together. During those relationships I realized as the mother of the ‘groom’ that you don’t matter so much. Everything revolved around the girls family. For mother’s day I got a phone call or a plant left on the porch with a note…while the mother of the ‘bride’ was taken out for dinner, given flowers & spent her day with the ‘bride’ & ‘groom’. I never had the opportunity to just show up at their homes…while the other mother could show anytime & usually did. I also remember that the ‘brides’ family held an engagement party for them…but we were not invited…nor did we even know they had it until years afterward. My son was in a very serious car accident…his ‘wife’ didn’t call me until 3 days later…saying that she didn’t want to worry me unnecessarily…really? He was in the hospital with a level 4 concussion for 3 days & was found unconscious at the scene of the accident! I even had the mother of one of these ‘wives’ tell me I couldn’t possibly understand how she or her daughter felt about their divorcing because I didn’t have a daughter…mothers & daughters have a ‘special’ relationship…really?…she actually thought I didn’t love my son as much as she loved her daughter? I have always hated being ‘mother of the groom’ and unfortunately most of you will experience this when your sons grow up & get married. It’s sad but nothing I can do to change it…I just be there for them when they need me.

  • Lynn Szwedko

    I am also a Mother of boys. I have only 2 though. I always wanted boys so I feel beyond blessed. My Father was one of 12 children and 11 of them were boys. My poor Aunt with only brothers. I guess her dating life must have been interesting. Have A Blessed Day 🙂

  • Cammie

    I am also the mother of 4 boys ages 17 15 11 and 10 and an aunt to 5 girls my poor brother lol. My house is louder than my brothers it is also messier than my brothers but I don’t think I could have handled girls. Boys have a special bond with their mothers if it’s lost mommy finds it if it’s broken mommy fixes it. If it’s hurt mommy makes it better. No I don’t have to worry about them getting pregnant but I do have to worry about them getting someone pregnant. Boys are more reckless than girls so I have to worry about that all the time. My fridge and cabinets never have enough food. Because of sports I’m spending money on equipment . And boys have friends that are boys so that even more noise more smells more dirt and more food. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. Because when mommy is hurt or sick they take better care of me than any mom could ever ask for. When we go out as a family I have not 1 date but 5 handsome men who open does for me and pull out my chair and stand up when I leave the table. They won’t order their food until I have offered mine. I might be the one that cooks the food at home and I’d the last one to get a plate of food but they don’t start eating until I join them at the table. If I have to work past their bed time the call or text me to tell me goodnight or if it’s not too late they will stay awake so they can hug me. There isn’t a day that goes by that they don’t tell me I’m pretty or beautiful. No I don’t have a little princess to dress in pink or put frilly dresses on but I do have my 4 princes that I am there queen . My oldest son has broken up with girls because they didn’t like me my 11 year old said he hope his wife is just like me my baby boy asked me to make sure his wife know how to cook as good as I do so yeah I’m glad God picked me to be the mother of 4 amazing boys .I wouldn’t want it any other way.

  • Meg

    I’m on the opposite side, I have 4 girls, 15, 14,10, and 8. My house is very loud, always a mess it seems and 2 of my girls are sport junkies and you would think they are growing boys with their appetites, and drama? Yes there is a lot of that too. I don’t think it matters whether you have all boys or all girls it all really does depend on there personalities as to which is harder and so on. I hear all the time comments about my poor boyfriend being in this house with all these girls, I have also been asked with this many does he even have 1 weekend with out one of us being moody and emotional. It does get tiring but we wouldn’t change a thing, yes we would like a boy to change things up but either way we love our children and always will!

  • Katrina Bibak Simonetti

    I feel awful for you… I have 2 sons also… both married… thank God both of my daughter in laws were raised by women who never would have tolerated that kind of behavior… hoping and praying your next experiences with your son’s significant others is better

  • Royalbird

    I get this, and I have two daughters amongst the boys. I am expecting my fifth boy. Boys are not less dramatic than girls. Perhaps less shrilly. But one of my boys is a dramatic little crier (and he’s 11 years old now and still at it). Plus, boys can be mean to their moms too. Some of my brothers were terrible to my mother as teenagers, to the point that I cried when I found out I was having my first boy. Face it, parenting is messy, down-in-the-trenches work, whether you have boys or girls or a mix of both.

  • Dawn

    I can echo this 100% I have 4 boys and none of them pay any attention to me and I was there through thick and thin, got involved with all their sports and school activities. I’m lucky if I get a text message on Mother’s day and never get flowers. I never get cards for Mother’s Day, my birthday or any holiday. One Christmas I had spent $1000 on all the kids–4 boys, wives and 2 grandchildren and what did I get in return? One cut flower arrangement, from all of them, that died in two weeks. I didn’t raise them to be selfish, but they turned out when they grew up and got married. Four daughters-in law? Pfft. They don’t give a crap about me.

  • Amy Powell

    My 10 yo recently tackled me into a chair and broke my nose with his head. Easier? um, no. This is a GREAT list, very entertaining. And it’s funny ‘cuz it’s true.

  • Marguerite Sommers

    So sorry Lynn…no anger as a mother that’s true. I don’t say anything because I shouldn’t have to. I’m not going to remind them so they do the right thing…they should think about their mother just as their mother thinks about them…they don’t have to remind me of their birthday or a holiday…they know mother’s day is once a year…yet nothing. That’s their fault…the gift or words would be meaningless to me if I had to ask anything from them.

  • Marguerite Sommers

    OMG Dawn…I just saw this reply today. I too don’t receive much at xmas…one year it was a calendar with my granddaughters pictures in it…pictures I’d already seen…that was it. I never get a card & this past Thanksgiving 2 of my boys didn’t even call me. Every child’s motto should be ‘it’s not what your mother can do for you…it’s what can you do for your mother!’…I feel sorry that you too are experiencing this type of behavior from your boys. Honestly we need to start a club! God bless you & I hope that someday (soon) your boys realize what a wonderful mother you have been & still are. Thank you for sharing!

  • kthyb8

    Have you tried talking to them and telling them you would like to hear from them more often? Adult children, I think particularly sons, get very busy with work and their own family life. They may not realize you are missing them. Or perhaps you could call them on a weekly basis. Better yet use texting. All the young folks do that and I am willing to bet they will respond.

  • kthyb8

    Sorry Marguerite, I disagree. The phone works both ways and if you want a relationship with your child you sometimes have to take the lead. Better to remind them of something you would like to have them do then to brood about it when it doesnt happen later.

  • Marguerite Sommers

    kthyb88 don’t think I haven’t had this conversation with them…I had it after there was a divorce. I’ve been told by them that they are aware they put their family aside in previous relationships & don’t want to have that happen again…yet this is the situation I’m in. I’m not angry with them…I’m not unavailable when they need or call me…I just know when I die that they will be saying what so many others say at a time like that ‘I wish I had…’

  • Marguerite Sommers

    Yes I have many times in the past… but there are always excuses. They have kids that keep them busy, houses to take care of, work leaves them little time. Believe me I’m fine with the way things are…people are who they are. I just know that girls & their mothers spend much more time together then boys & their mothers. I hear from them when they need me…that just doesn’t apply in the opposite direction.

  • Love this! I have 5 boys with a lone girl thrown into the mix, but still relate to this completely! Thanks for sharing.