3 Good Things That Can Be Bad For Your Marriage

3 Good Things That Can Be Bad For Your Marriage February 10, 2015


We’ve all heard the expression, “You can’t have too much of a good thing”, and many times, that is absolutely true.  When we get married and have children, we have so many dreams that we want to see fulfilled for our spouses, our kids, and even ourselves.  There are many situations in our marriages and families that we might consider a “good thing”, but sometimes, we try to cram too much of it into our family life.  It’s a tricky balancing act that takes great consideration.  If we allow these good things to take priority over our marriage and family, then the aforementioned expression flies out the door and all we have left is a damaged relationship with our spouse and children.


So, what are some “good things” that can go bad when left unchecked?  Well, here are 3 to consider:


1. Personal Hobbies

Please don’t get me wrong; we should all try and find time to engage in our favorite hobbies even after getting married and having children. The problem arises when we spend more time golfing than we do with our families.  We shouldn’t put our scrapbooking hobby ahead of time with our husbands.  If we are constantly trying to arrange our schedules around our hobby, then our lives are greatly out of balance.  We must always put our marriage and family first.  There is no hobby worth pursuing more than our spouse.


2.  Children’s Sports and Activities

There are so many benefits to children being involved in sports and after school activities of all kinds, but these days, many parents are spending a fortune and many hours away from the rest of the family in order for their child to be involved in these activities.  I understand that some children exhibit tremendous gifts at a very young age, and we feel like it is our duty as parents to further their skills.  This is a good thing.  However, when we throw our family into hyperdrive to attend all the practices, rehearsals, games, competitions, etc., this good thing can quickly wear on a family and become detrimental to the family as a whole.

Dave and I have experienced this first hand when our oldest son, Cooper, was doing competitive gymnastics.  We found ourselves at the gym 9 hours a week and at overnight competitions on the weekends.  Dave usually couldn’t attend the competitions due to church on Sundays, so Cooper and I would be absent from the rest of the family during that time.  Eventually, the schedule began to take a toll on our family.  I hated that we weren’t able to spend as much time together, and I didn’t think it was fair to my husband and other children.  After talking it through with Dave and Cooper and praying about it, we decided to pull Cooper from the competition team and placed him in a Parkour class.  He loves it, and we now go to the gym an hour and a half a week instead of nine hours a week.  Our family functions so much better, and Cooper still gets to participate in a sport that he loves.  It’s all about balance.


3.  Friendships

I love hanging out with my girlfriends, and I have the privilege of doing so on a weekly basis.  However, I know there must be balance there as well.  All too often, Dave and I have counseled couples who have allowed time with friends to usurp time spent with their spouses, or they let their friends govern their marriage.  Unfortunately, some of those marriages ended in divorce.  We are greatly influenced by our friends, so we must choose them wisely.  We must also realize that we cannot put any friendship ahead of our friendship with our spouse.  I believe our spouse should truly be our best friend.  We can certainly have close friendships, but we shouldn’t spend more time with our friends than we do with our spouse and family.  If we find that we can be more honest and open with our friends than our spouses, then we need to lean away  from spending so much time with that friend and lean into spending more time with our partner.  We are keeping ourselves from having the intimate marriage that God wants for us when we spend more time with our friends and allow them to know our deepest thoughts and feelings instead of our spouse.  So, yes, let’s spend time with our friends but not let that time exceed the time we spend with our spouse.


Again, all of these things are GOOD when in balance.  Let’s make sure that our marriage always takes priority.


For more information on strengthening your marriage and family, be sure to check out our latest  book “The Marriage Minute” by clicking here.


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