3 Questions to Consider When You’re Spouse has been UNFAITHFUL

3.  Are you BOTH willing to FORGIVE and TRUST AGAIN?

Luke 17:4

Even if that person wrongs you seven times a day and each time turns again and asks forgiveness, you must forgive.

Please understand that when a spouse commits adultery, he/she has chosen to break his/her marriage vows.  The other spouse is NOT to blame.  However, no spouse is ever completely innocent of sin in a marriage.  We all fall short.  We both have wronged each other in some way and are in need of forgiveness.

It is amazing what God can do when we both humble ourselves and ask the other for forgiveness.  I have been referring to the spouse who had an affair as the “guilty” one and the other as the “innocent” one, but none of us are completely innocent.  Yes, the spouse who had the affair is asking for a greater amount of forgiveness in this situation, but there are certainly things that the other spouse can confess.  Beyond seeking forgiveness for the affair, both spouses need to ask themselves:  Have I been fully present with my spouse?  Have I been harboring resentment towards him/her?  Have I been physically absent?  Have I been taking care of our kids but not our marriage?  Have I been avoiding communication?  Have I been keeping something from my partner?  If we can answer “yes” to any of these, then we need to seek forgiveness from our spouse.  Both partners must humbles themselves before the Lord and seek HIS forgiveness FIRST. Then, they must seek it from each other.

My husband, Dave, always says, “Give forgiveness quickly, but trust slowly.  Forgiveness can only be given freely, but trust can only be earned.”

Again, no spouse causes the other to have an affair, and an affair is NEVER warranted.  We all fall short of being the perfect spouse, and there is always a reason to humble ourselves.  Humility will move us towards harmony.

James 4:10

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor.

Nothing is impossible with God…even saving a marriage after an affair.  It’s not the easy road, and it will take everything you both have to fight for it.

If you are in this position and desire an effective next step, please go to Fighting for My Marriage for more information.

I also encourage you to watch my husband, Dave Willis, talk about “How to Heal After an Affair”, by clicking here.