Recently, I wrote an article for women about the surprising movie scene that secretly makes men cry. But today I want to give men a secret of their own: a secret that answers the exasperated question from one teenage boy, “Why does that one scene in Cinderella always make girls all gooey?”
There’s a very short scene in the 2015 live-action Cinderella movie that secretly touches the heart of almost every woman, and gives every guy a roadmap to doing the same with his wife.
And no – I’m actually not talking about the scene when Cinderella is decked out in that fabulous gown. Or when the prince dances with her at the ball. Or when he figures out who she is. All those are iconic, impactful moments, but aren’t helpful for you! You probably can’t provide your wife a gown of crystals. You likely aren’t the heir to a throne. And although some things about your wife probably mystify you, you haven’t been trying to figure out her name!
What you can do is decide your wife is worth going after.
In the movie, there’s a moment when the Prince has been pushing Cinderella on a swing in a garden and has almost overcome her reluctance to share who she is. As she is about to say her name, she is startled to hear the clock start to chime midnight. She jumps up and rushes away saying she is so sorry, it is hard to explain, she loved every moment, but she has to go!
The prince sinks down on the swing as she disappears from sight, clearly confused and befuddled. And then a grin comes over his face. With a determined look, he jumps up and darts after her.
And that is where women swoon. Why? We want to be in Cinderella’s shoes. And I don’t mean those fabulous glass slippers. No… we want to be the girl who is worth being pursued by the man she cares about. We want someone to like us so much that he can’t let us get away.
You see, even your confident, beautiful wife has a secret self-doubt. Am I lovable? And even in great relationships – much less shaky ones –that translates to the subconscious question, Does he still love me? Would he choose me all over again? When you pursue her, it answers that question well. So even if you have already won your wife’s heart – she wants you to keep doing so!What would “your” version of the Prince’s pursuit look like?
When the two of you are arguing, it likely triggers an “are we okay?” insecurity in her heart. So don’t give her a space: give her a hug! Reassure her that you love her and that you’ll get through this.
When you think about her in a fleeting way during a busy workday, text her a quick note: “I have been having such a rough day. Thanks for always believing in me. I love you so much.” I promise she will save that text message!
When you sit with her at church, put your arm around her. That tells her, “You’re mine.”
Cinderella may not have needed to know that the Prince was going after her, but your wife does. You don’t need crystals, a princely lineage or the royal guard to win her heart: all she needs to see is that you are delighted by her and are choosing her again, today.
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Shaunti Feldhahn is the best-selling author of eye-opening, research-based books about men, women and relationships, including For Women Only, For Men Only, the groundbreaking The Good News About Marriage, and her newest book, Through A Man’s Eyes. A Harvard-trained social researcher and popular speaker, her ﬁndings are regularly featured in media as diverse as The Today Show, Focus on the Family, and the New York Times. Visit www.shaunti.com for more.