Dangerous Assumption #1: We think we are the ones who are good at relationships
Yeah. Many of us look at that and go, “And… what’s the problem with that?” We think women are the ones who are good at relationships. That we are the ones with the interpersonal skills.
Right?
The problem: That thought translates into the next, slightly condescending thought along: “He has to learn to relate better.”
Well, maybe he does, maybe he doesn’t… but who says it is only him? The deeply held belief is essentially that we are good at doing relationships, and he, poor dear, is not. Mr. Counselor, tell my husband what he needs to know and do differently, because I’m at my wit’s end.
Yet nearly always, when I press into a conversation about this, I discover that she is doing exactly what I too have so often done before. She, like many of us, is doing things that are hurting her husband every single day… and yet she would never intend it. But — also like many of us– she simply doesn’t realize it.
We just have no idea.
In other words… we aren’t as good at relationships as we think we are.
And there’s no better way to shut down your partner than to vividly see all the things he needs to change, and few of the ways you’re hurting him. Because at some point, he will conclude, quite logically, that there’s no more point in trying.
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