Reason #1: His Brain Needs Time
Based on the men surveyed, roughly half of the men essentially said they need time for their brain to process what just happened, what they think about it and how they can respond well. One young man said it well: “In the heat of the moment, I can’t even think straight. My fiancé can win any argument, and can tie me in knots. She runs circles around me with her words, all while I’m trying to figure out what I think. The only way I can think is to get away. If she’ll just let me be for a while I can figure it out and come back and explain. But whenever she insists on talking it out right then, it is usually her talking and me hardly listening because I don’t know what I think yet.”
That type of comment was very common among the men I interviewed. Because the male brain is specifically wired that way. As women, because our brains are wired with certain types of connections, we can process a high degree of emotion and still think clearly. In fact the female brain actually does better at thinking through emotional topics by talking them through. But as my husband, Jeff, puts it, “For most men, emotion furs up the gears.” There are always exceptions, but the male brain usually needs to disengage from an emotional conversation in order to think something through deeply, clearly and productively.
In other words, although there’s certainly a chance that my friend’s husband may indeed be trying to “run” or “escape” in an unhealthy way, since she described him as a great guy I think it is far more likely that he’s just… a guy. With a male brain that is working the way a male brain is designed to work.
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