Step #3: Remember, freedom-seeking is a healthy desire
Finally, remember: your child may not always handle their desire for freedom well… but the desire itself is a natural and good thing. After all, as they get older, one of our main jobs as parents is to help them handle their increasing freedoms well!
So empathize with your child. Show them that you “get” why such-and-such is so important to them—but that lying is never the right option. Prove to your child that they can earn more freedoms if they are truthful with you, even when it is difficult. Over time, even the temptation to lie will diminish as your child makes more mature choices—and is rewarded for them.
It is rarely an easy or quick journey to get to that point, but we have seen in the research that we can get there. Get to know your teen’s freedom language, give them freedom-saving discipline choices, and reward them for telling the truth. And as you do, your teen will become more and more honest and open with you—which is the ultimate state of freedom for parents and teens alike.
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Shaunti Feldhahn loves sharing eye-opening information that helps people thrive in life and relationships. She herself started out with a Harvard graduate degree and Wall Street credentials but no clue about life. After an unexpected shift into relationship research for average people like her, she now is a popular speaker and author of best-selling books about men, women and relationships. (Including For Women Only, For Men Only, and the groundbreaking The Good News About Marriage).
Her newest book, The Kindness Challenge demonstrates that kindness is the answer to pretty much every life problem, and is sparking a much-needed movement of kindness across the country. Visit www.shaunti.com for more.
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