Reason #4: If Teens Understand the Reason, They Internalize the Rules
Fourth, as you set out with renewed enthusiasm for taking charge, being watchful, and enforcing the rules, remember this: kids appreciate and internalize rules when they understand the reason behind them. “Because I said so” works for preschoolers, but for grade-schoolers it is iffy. And by the time the pre-teen and teenage years arrive, the kids intensely want to know the “why” behind the rules . . . as they should!
After all, as a teenager heads through high school, they very much need to have figured out that these are good, healthy ways to live—and should want to keep living this way once it is totally up to them! The only way for that to happen is for the kids to internalize the “why” behind the rules for themselves now. We heard many times that a rule with no reason looks like control with no purpose—and is quickly discarded when the teen leaves home.
Thankfully, the research overwhelmingly supported that if parents shared their beliefs, opinions and reasoning, that the kids were far more likely to internalize those rules for the long term—even if they rebelled against them in the short term. Remember, it takes thirteen years to become a teen but only about 5 to leave the teen school years behind. Embrace taking charge now and earn your teen’s respect, while you still can. Give them the love and security they need to thrive. And start the countdown to their adulthood freedom—and yours.
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Shaunti Feldhahn loves sharing eye-opening information that helps people thrive in life and relationships. She herself started out with a Harvard graduate degree and Wall Street credentials but no clue about life. After an unexpected shift into relationship research for average people like her, she now is a popular speaker and author of best-selling books about men, women and relationships. (Including For Women Only, For Men Only, and the groundbreaking The Good News About Marriage).
Her newest book, The Kindness Challenge demonstrates that kindness is the answer to pretty much every life problem, and is sparking a much-needed movement of kindness across the country. Visit www.shaunti.com for more.
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