Laurel, Yanny, and The One Secret That Can Solve Divisions and Save Any Relationship

Laurel, Yanny, and The One Secret That Can Solve Divisions and Save Any Relationship May 25, 2018

Here is the thought: “I can’t hear what you are hearing and I’m not seeing what you are seeing . . . but I trust that you are hearing and seeing it that way, and I care about you.” 

Jeff explained this far more eloquently than I can, so here is what he said as he was processing it for me.  Think on it—and see if you agree that it could be a game changer: 

I started thinking about how the Bible tells husbands to live “in understanding” with their wives—and I assume it applies equally with wives to their husbands.

I have always thought of “understanding” as meaning, “I get how this makes you feel” or “I can now see it entirely as you are seeing it.” I wonder if we might have that wrong. Perhaps it is something like, “I still can’t see what you are seeing, but I trust that you are seeing it that way and I love you.”

It’s like with the blue/gold dress and Yanny/Laurel phenomenon. My brain simply won’t allow me to hear Laurel. As much as I try, I can’t hear it. And you can’t do otherwise. I can never hear what you hear. Same for the blue dress.

I think this has a profound impact on men and women. Our research and books help people comprehend what the other person is seeing/hearing. The problem is that I think for many of us, we secretly or subconsciously believe that with this information—or with just a bit more education or teaching—the other person will see/hear things just as we do. It is a great thing to keep learning about one another. We have to do that. But at the same time, perhaps we need to acknowledge that we may never gain the ability to truly see things just as another person does. At least in some areas.

Rather, we just have to accept and trust that they are legitimately feeling that way. And instead of continually being dissatisfied as we try to educate or convince them into thinking another way, we just have to love them.


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