Hurt Feelings? Try This One Thing To Change Your Perspective

Showing Grace Can Make Your Husband Want To Do Better

You might protest that this is unfair. As one woman indignantly told me when I shared that story with her, “But that is just letting him off the hook! All he’s learned is that he can take her for granted!” No. I eventually interviewed the husband, too, months down the road. And he said he learned the opposite. He said, “I learned that I’m married to an amazing woman. Even when I’m a bonehead, and don’t handle something right, she has grace with me. She believes in me. That makes me want to do better next time, and do whatever I can to not disappoint her again.” Because he felt he didn’t have to be defensive and protect himself all the time, her husband started to open up. They were able to talk about the things they did that hurt each other (like her feeling that his being late signaled that he just didn’t care) and try to make changes. But it started with one person’s willingness to not assume the worst of the other—and then keep it up over months as they tried to get on a better path.