Maintain Your Schedule Sanity While Supporting Your Teen’s Success

Teens don’t want to lose the good feelings they get from succeeding at new things.

If you try to limit commitments by having your teen choose several (out of their many) activities, they’re not hearing a statement of sanity for the family, of compromise for you, or of setting good boundaries so their grades don’t suffer. They’re hearing things like: “You’re going to lose this amazing feeling of fitting in and people admiring you.” “You’re going to lose the feeling that you’ve finally gotten, of being good at something.” “You’re going to lose the intoxicating sensation that you can make your own choices and be your own person.”

You can see how upsetting that would be, right? Now, don’t get me wrong: it is very reasonable to have your teen limit their activities. You’re doing your job as a parent to notice that the current situation might not be working and taking steps to address that. But the key is to understand what is underneath your teen’s reaction—because to them, their worry is reasonable, too.