Learn What Specifically Speaks To Boys
What I assured this woman was that since her son was in his first year of high school, she still had time to track down her teenage self and get reacquainted. And for all of us with teenage children, we should try to remember how much we appreciated our friends who would just listen without trying to fix anything.
And next, we should ask our husbands or male friends what sort of empathy is specifically helpful to a boy. It will be different from what helps a girl! (When a teenage girl is upset it is usually because of feeling rejected, being bullied by mean girls who signal “no one likes you,” and people talking about her behind her back—all the things that trigger a girl’s inner “does anyone love me” insecurity.) But boys are different. Boys—just like their dads—have a lot of secret insecurities about being inadequate, incapable, or failing at something they try to do in front of someone else. So if your son is angry or upset about a teacher being unfair, it is likely tied to feeling stupid or inadequate—and everybody seeing it. He needs you to let him talk about how stupid and embarrassed he felt, be indignant on his behalf, and reassure him that you are proud of him.
The research was clear that most teenagers did, in fact, want to share things with their parents. The key is that we need to acknowledge that they have feelings that they want heard and be a safe, listening ear. And before we know it, we will see them sharing a lot more—and a lot more often.
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Shaunti Feldhahn loves sharing eye-opening information that helps people thrive in life and relationships. She herself started out with a Harvard graduate degree and Wall Street credentials but no clue about life. After an unexpected shift into relationship research for average people like her, she now is a popular speaker and author of best-selling books about men, women and relationships. (Including For Women Only, For Men Only, and the groundbreaking The Good News About Marriage).
Her latest book, Find Rest: A Women’s Devotional for Lasting Peace in Busy Life, focuses on a journey to rest even with life’s constant demands.
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