In tough times—and even in good times—men struggle with self-doubt and feeling like a failure.
Can you see how his deepest need could be in conflict with his desire to have your involvement? When work is going well, this isn’t an issue. You can chip in, raise warnings, and it’s fine. But sometimes he gets defensive and feels like you’re criticizing him. Why? The difference is that in tough times he’s struggling with feeling like a professional failure. Every man already feels like an imposter, and wrestles with great self-doubt in a far deeper way than we as women realize. But as long as work is going along fine, when he asks himself “Do I measure up?” he can look at the markers of success and reassure himself.
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