How Your Husband Feels When You’re Too Tired For Sex

How Your Husband Feels When You’re Too Tired For Sex October 16, 2018

As Leslie settled into bed, more than ready for a good night’s sleep, Todd walked into the bedroom and gave her “the look” she knew so well—the sly grin and twinkle in his eye that meant he had romance on his mind. Leslie tried not to let a sigh slip out. After running afternoon carpool, juggling karate and ballet lessons, making dinner, helping with homework, and returning work emails, she was so exhausted that she had zero interest in sex. She just wanted to go to sleep without Todd trying to start something. But she knew from experience that he would get upset if she told him to please leave her alone. It’s nothing personal! she thought, I’m just… so… tired.

As a perpetually exhausted wife and mother, you might feel the same way some nights—or even most nights. For the sake of Leslie’s marriage—and yours—I want to provide some perspective that our tired female brains sometimes completely miss.

It might seem that putting dear hubby off for another night isn’t that big of a deal. As Leslie puts it, it isn’t personal. In other words… we women tend to think that, for him, sex is primarily a physical need. In the same way that sleep is a physical need! Right? Well, actually, for him…. no. It’s much more than that.

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  • clanhamilton

    There are some HUGE assumptions based on stereotypes here.
    That men want more sex than women.
    That men aren’t carrying their share of household duties (so she has to ask him to care for his own kids).
    That women should care more about their husband’s feelings than their own physical exhaustion.
    That husbands can’t understand a wife’s exhaustion, they just want sex.
    That women don’t understand how important sex is to hubby.
    Good advice is not based on stereotypes.

  • Christy Stokes

    You are only talking about this from 2 people being healthy. Which is not my senerio, but my husband is reading this thinking it applies to me and well if in in unspeakable pain and just tired, I should get over it and be excited to have sex. I have a debilitating chronic disease with no cure. You really should try to write your stories stating that the people you interviewed are healthy people.