4 Secrets That Will Kill Your Relationship (Or Your Business)

Secret #3: We squash transparency—because we feel like we “should” be able to keep some things private, or because we want no dissent

Holmes and Balwani kept everything private. In their mind, loyalty to the cause meant that their approach, their numbers, and their science could never be questioned. Crucial, irreplaceable, internal scientists, finance gurus and strategists were summarily fired because they tried to ask well-intentioned (and very necessary!) questions about whether a given strategy was the best idea, challenge a particular fact, or bring red flags to the attention of leadership.

Even worse, everything inside the company had to remain siloed; no-one was allowed to talk about or share anything. Even scientists who needed to compare notes with each other to create the technology were not allowed to do so. This group was not allowed to know that that group had a solution to a thorny problem—and most within Theranos were not allowed to know that any problems even existed!   

In this culture of intense secrecy, there was zero transparency. And with zero transparency, there is zero accountability to catch small problems before they become big ones. There is also no trust.

Again, we may think we would never be like that. And hopefully we wouldn’t! But here’s a question: Does your spouse have your passwords to all your email, bank, and social media accounts? Would you be okay if they were to randomly pick up your phone and read your text messages or browsing history every now and then? Not out of a suspicious heart (which is a whole other issue that we cannot cover properly here), but out of a simple desire to be let into all of your life?

If your answer is anything other than “yes, of course they can see everything!” then perhaps you have a seed of the same lack of transparency. Don’t let it grow into a dark infection. Confront the temptation to keep some things private from your spouse. If there is something you’ve been hiding (see Secret #1 and #2), make a plan for bringing it into the light soon.

So why do human beings tend toward hiding things, and a lack of transparency, when deep down we know that only healthy transparency will give us the marriage (or often, the business partnership) we’re longing for?