True community is created by encouragement of others—even in the most difficult of circumstances
I’ve noticed that even though many of these people in the radiation waiting room, or walking through the halls, are clearly in poor health, they smile. Their skin may have the gray hue of terminal illness, but they say hello and ask questions. They welcome conversation and encouragement with their words and with their body language. And in almost two weeks of treatments among those in far more serious situations than mine, I have never heard one word—not one—of discouragement or negativity among these people.
It is an unspoken rule: here, we encourage one another. Period.
Today, in the small parking lot used exclusively by the cancer center, I saw an elderly husband escorting his elderly wife; she was clearly in a difficult place mentally and physically. They looked as if they had been married 60 years. And as I looked at this eighty-something man take his wife’s shaking hand, I thought how hard it must be to know you are probably losing someone who has been your other half for that many years. Tears welled up in my eyes. And yet, as they turned and saw me waiting to pass them, the husband gently stopped his wife from moving forward. He raised his hand to me and smiled. Go ahead, he mouthed. I hope your treatments go well.
During any difficult circumstances, don’t just find a community—find an encouraging community. Find those who you can encourage and who will encourage you. Flee those who say, “woe is me.”
There’s a place for support in grief, of course; I’ve cried many tears on the shoulders of friends these last few months. But those are the shoulders of friends who ultimately lift me up instead of letting me wallow.
Because think about it: if you are in a group of people who are all beaten down and focused on the undoubtedly difficult shared circumstances . . . is that a real community? Or is that a group of people each focused on themselves?
I tend to think there is much more community built by those like my new hero: an eighty-something year-old man, tenderly holding his wife’s shaking hand, while telling a total stranger that he hopes her treatments go well today.
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