Is Your Insecurity Making You a Controlling and Disconnected Spouse?

Solution #3: Choose to believe the best of your spouse’s intentions

In my research, the happiest couples clearly made a deliberate decision to believe the best about each other’s intentions. Do you believe your spouse cares for you? If so, make sure you’re acting like it.

If you’re like Kristin, an unusual level of control and effort to keep tabs on your man (especially if you truly have no reason to suspect him) is a signal to him (and you) that you believe the worst of him, not the best.

Allowing insecurity to run away with us also makes us blind to or dissatisfied with the positive things our spouse does for us. Maybe your husband tries to do things to show his love for you, but you convey rejection because he doesn’t do exactly what you’d like him to do, exactly when you’d like him to do it. A person can only be rejected so many times before the effort starts to seem like a waste. So the more you send the message that his best isn’t good enough, the less he’s likely to give of himself. The less you trust him, the more you’re going to suspect that his every move is nefarious. The more often you reject him, the less he’s going to stick his neck out for you. Again, it’s a vicious cycle—but you can break it!