Talking To Your Young Adults About the Ukraine Invasion

We need to respect and listen to their fears, to help them overcome those fears

On the morning the main invasion started, I got a call from my 21-year-old daughter. “It is hard to know what information to listen to,” she said. “Is this really a big deal?” Her voice shook slightly as we talked about the fact that God is in control—but yes, this is a pretty big deal.

There was a pause and I could hear that she was trying to fight back tears. “Does this mean there might be a draft?”

Suddenly, I realized what she was most worried about: Her brother is draft age. Her boyfriend, who she has been dating for more than a year, is draft age. The concept was real in a way it had never been before.

I shared many of the things I eventually put in the piece last week, but also emphasized that right now, although the United States is sending troops to NATO allies, we are not directly being drawn into armed conflict. And even if things were to go downhill, we have a wonderful, professional military—so there would be no immediate reason for a draft.

But that said . . . it is impossible to not respect her fears—and those of millions of other young men and women. They have never before been confronted with a situation where things could conceivably come to such a tipping point. For the past year, my 19-year-old son has carelessly left his Selective Service paperwork in the envelope it came in, in the back of a file box, expecting never to look at it again. How many of our young adults feel the weight of that registration more fully today? Or much more simply, how many have the much more empathetic worry of what will happen to the Ukrainian people they see on their social media feeds?

We must draw out those concerns of our kids; ask them how they feel. Help them process it in trust that God is in control—but also in a way that they do actually share what they are feeling and know that we are listening. Multiple studies, such as this one from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, have found that having a supportive conversation about a stressful situation—one that draws out the concerns instead of dismissing them—actually helps decrease distress. It is worth noting that the same dynamic applies not just to our kids, but to us!