When Knee-Jerk Reactions Cause Money Tension In Marriage

I’m right and you’re wrong.

Many of us have some preestablished ideas about how money should be managed. We “should” save 20% of what we make. We “should” allocate plenty of money for family activities rather than saving it all up. We “should” give the kids plenty of Christmas presents to make it special. (Or we “should” train them to expect only a few presents so they learn gratitude.)

We simply see certain ideas as categorically correct. But in reality, our ideas aren’t absolutes; they are just opinions or approaches. And the problem, of course, is that when our spouse has a different approach (as they often will) we instinctively have this knee-jerk feeling that our spouse is wrong. It’s just wrong to make frivolous expenditures like collector shoes! Instead of telling ourselves: each of us simply sees and relates to money differently, and my spouse’s desires are probably just as legitimate as mine.