Sam and Rachel, a couple we interviewed in our research, were navigating an income pattern that is increasingly common today: she earned far more than he did. When the kids came along, it made much more financial sense for her to remain the primary breadwinner and for him to work part-time and spend more time with the kids.
Yet there were some tensions that came along with this reality. And they aren’t alone. The research shows some unique stressors and needs arising as this “non-traditional” path becomes far more … well … traditional.
How our earning patterns might impact our marital patterns
While most women do still earn less on average than men (Pew Research reports that women’s annual earnings were 82% of men’s earnings in 2019), young women earn as much or more than young men in 22 U.S. metro areas. Another Pew study found that the number of women who earn significantly more than their husbands has roughly tripled in the last 50 years from 5% to 16%. That fits with what we saw in our recent study for Thriving in Love & Money.
If couples don’t acknowledge the stressors that come with this income pattern, there can be challenges! One study found that being outearned can adversely affect a man’s mental health over time. Other studies have found a higher risk to the marriage when wives earn more.
These concerns may arise because of emotional factors that are deeply instinctive to men. In our nationally representative research with men for our bestselling book For Women Only, 78% of men felt a deep emotional compulsion to provide, even if their wife earned enough to fully support the family. Many men admitted that they would simply feel inadequate if they weren’t the primary breadwinner.
These concerns were often heightened when one or both spouses interpreted the bible (I Timothy 5:8) as placing the responsibility for financial provision solely on the husband. Thankfully, though, that isn’t the end of the story. In our research for Thriving in Love and Money we found that a wife’s higher income or job status doesn’t have to negatively impact the marriage!
Three action steps
Once couples understand why certain issues may arise, and what to do about it, they can plan ahead and thrive instead. They can navigate redefinition of “traditional roles” in a way that is healthy for both people and the relationship.
So here are three action steps based on our research and that of others, that may help newlyweds—or any couple for that matter—in which the wife earns more than the husband.
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