Step #1: Redefine “providing”
If a newlywed couple agrees that providing is about more than money (in other words, shared responsibilities, emotional support, and so on), then right from the start, they are capturing a bigger vision.
Statistically, a man’s desire to provide will probably always be tugging at him. He may even feel like he’s not doing his job as a husband. But if wives are aware of this tender place in his heart and committed to thanking him for a provision that is far broader than a paycheck, they are well on their way to connection rather than conflict.
Sam and Rachel, for example, were very happy—even though her salary far outweighed his, and probably would for many years to come.
“Oh my gosh … provision is so much more than money,” said Rachel. “Sam provides me a whole array of things I value … things unique to our situation. When I come home from my very stressful, very public work life, there is my soul mate … waiting to share a meal he’s fixed. It means so much that he is willing to hear about my day and what I’m processing at work or whatever. That far outweighs any paycheck he could add to the pile.”
For couples who want to adhere to biblical standards, and are worried about being “unbiblical,” it might help to know that conservative Christian leaders such as Tim Keller have emphasized that among the first century church, it was common for both a husband and wife to run a family business together.
When we were living in New York and attending Tim Keller’s church, he shared in one sermon that a husband is indeed given the ultimate responsibility to ensure that the family is financially okay—but that the model of a husband being the sole provider appears to be more “cultural” (especially in the modern era) than “biblical.” If a husband can support his higher-earning wife to provide more income than he could, that is yet another way of “providing.”
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