When Knee-Jerk Reactions Cause Money Tension In Marriage

The person who earns the money should have more of a say in how that money is spent.

Sometimes, there can be a subconscious feeling (by either spouse) that whoever earns a particular amount of money deserves a bit more say in handling that money. During our research we often heard double-income young couples say things like, “You can do whatever you want with your money,” with the implication being, “and don’t tell me what to do with mine.”

We also talked to many couples in which one partner worked long hours, made all of the household income . . . and subconsciously felt they deserved more say. (Even though both partners logically knew that a stay-at-home spouse facilitated their mate’s ability to earn income and saved the household a lot of money.) As one husband put it, “I resent that I’m the one working long hours, but because she wants to save everything for a house payment, she says I can’t go to a basketball game with a friend.” And on the flip side, several stay-at-home moms (and a few dads) said they often felt guilty when they bought something for themselves.

That sneaky, inaccurate idea that the person who earns the money deserves more say can also be the cause of a knee-jerk reaction.