Step 2 Work to see what matters to the other person
As I mentioned in a recent post, when we’re in the middle of the holiday swirl it is so easy to get caught up in the rush that we forget to relate. We are running around sharing chores with our spouse or kids, or trying to have a hurried conversation with an in-law at a family fathering, and running mostly on autopilot. So, we often don’t recognize (and don’t recognize that we don’t recognize!) what might be going on inside the other person: That they could have a concern about something that really matters to them during the holidays. Their sadness about being single when surrounded by romance, for example, or their embarrassment that Uncle Harry yet again dismissed their competence at finding a higher-paying job.
In the earlier blog, we talked about the importance of, essentially, “presence over presents” and making time to be together. But having empathy is the next step. When we are together, let’s not miss what matters to those we love.
And this doesn’t have to be deep, heavy, stuff! Recognizing “what matters” could include things like identifying your cousins’ desire to do something together rather than simply eating themselves into a food coma. Perhaps they love board games and never have time to play them. So, play board games. Watch those movies you haven’t had time to watch. Ask each member of the family one thing they’d like to do together during this time. Or like my family, maybe you’ll even start planning a big trip for next year. Simply being together on a much-anticipated family vacation is how we’re making time for what matters to each of us.
Do you see the possibilities here?
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