What would you say if I told you that you could do one thing tonight in the bedroom for your husband that would most likely MAKE HIS DAY (or week or month)? Keep the lights on during sex. Did I just hear a collective gasp out there from women who are cringing at the thought of exposing, well . . . we all know what we don’t love exposing! Especially after several years and babies and let’s be honest—gravity.... Read more
Dear Girls, Can we have an honest conversation about something that might be a little awkward? It’s not about sex . . . at least directly. But it is about boys and sex and what they think when they see girls, and all the images that swirl around in their brains. It’s an especially important conversation because, as I was scrolling through social media the other day, I couldn’t help but feel a burden for you when I saw picture... Read more
As I’m sure is the case with all of you, Jeff and I have been struggling these last few days with the heartbreak coming out of El Paso and Dayton. We have spent significant amounts of time in both communities, for many speaking trips and a major research trip to El Paso last year for our current book project. To those in those communities we want to say: we are so, so sorry. Our hearts are with you, and they... Read more
We are approaching wedding season! April, May and June are filled with shopping the registries, excitement for friends, and final preparations for an awesome day for a beautiful bride and groom. And yet . . . even as they prepare for a lifetime together, how many times will that bride and groom (or the rest of us) hear those sneakily discouraging statistics that make them wonder whether a lifetime together is possible? (Even, perhaps, at the wedding, the well-meaning officiant... Read more
Dear Shaunti: I just got married to a great guy who has always loved my inquisitive, problem-solving nature. Or at least he used to. Lately, he has been getting more and more annoyed with it. He shuts down so easily. Or if I ask a simple question he acts as if it is the ultimate disloyalty. For example, our landlord has been giving us grief and is unfairly threatening to throw us out, and today when my husband suggested an... Read more
The most recent political campaign really did a number on civil political conversation—among friends, Facebook “friends,” family members, and even between husbands and wives. Many of us couldn’t wait for the election to be over, so some of the division and rancor could stop. But instead of a return to civil public discourse since the election, it seems to have gotten worse. Of course there’s value to impassioned ideals and strongly held convictions. It’s when the expression of those opinions—and... Read more
Recently, a man at one of my conferences spoke up about a marital issue that had been bubbling up for a few months. He works long hours in a high-stress job, and his wife texted or called him several times a day to talk about small matters such as dinner plans or what happened on the playground that day with their preschool-aged daughter. As he talked, I realized that he was getting frustrated because he thought she was bothering him... Read more
Erica’s teenage daughter took out her phone for her daily ritual—taking photos of her outfit possibilities before school and waiting to see which one got the most likes before deciding what to wear. Erica tried to hide her exasperation. Her daughter’s obsession with social media had reached ridiculous levels. She already placed far too much value on what her peers think of her, and social media was making it worse. Ready to throw her daughter’s phone in the trash, Erica... Read more
My first job out of college was working on Capitol Hill, and in one early project I had to coordinate getting information from a lot of decision makers. So to make sure nothing got dropped, I also needed to ask a lot of questions. I worked closely with Ryan, another guy my age. We started off with a fine relationship. But as the project went on, he didn’t seem to like me very much. He became quite short with me... Read more
As Leslie settled into bed, more than ready for a good night’s sleep, Todd walked into the bedroom and gave her “the look” she knew so well—the sly grin and twinkle in his eye that meant he had romance on his mind. Leslie tried not to let a sigh slip out. After running afternoon carpool, juggling karate and ballet lessons, making dinner, helping with homework, and returning work emails, she was so exhausted that she had zero interest in sex.... Read more
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