How Often Do Men Need to Have Sex?

Last updated on: June 25, 2025 at 7:17 pm By Shaunti Feldhahn

Dear Shaunti, You’re the researcher, so please tell me the real answer: How often do guys need to have sex? I just don’t think about sex much; I guess it isn’t a need for me. But my husband says he thinks about it all the time, and he gets crabby that I’m often too tired. Even though I can go weeks or months and not miss it, since he can’t, I try to do the right thing. But oddly, even though he says he’s “deprived”, when I tell him “okay” that just makes him mad. He says he wants me to want it like he does. I feel like I can’t win. But if I knew how often a man needs sex I could plan on that, and hopefully that would help. Read more

When State Says Pot is OK, How Do I Convince My Child It Isn’t?

Last updated on: September 25, 2019 at 2:29 pm By Shaunti Feldhahn

Dear Shaunti, We live in Colorado, where pot is now visible on every corner. For my teenagers, seeing someone smoking pot is as now as commonplace as seeing someone smoking cigarettes; it’s viewed as a harmless pastime. But it isn’t harmless, and I don’t want my kids to be enticed by drugs. My husband and I have even considered moving to another state. How am I supposed to keep my kids from becoming pot-heads when they are surrounded by them? Read more

2 is better than 1: Facing Conflict Together

Last updated on: September 30, 2019 at 6:30 am By Shaunti Feldhahn

Dear Shaunti, I work a lot of hours, and when I’m at home, I don’t want conflict. Problem is, we’ve had a lot of conflict recently – we’re both stressed by some extra medical bills and headaches with our kids – and it seems a whole lot better to me to try to avoid it. We both have good, supportive friends we can turn to, so when things get tense, I tell my wife I’m going to play a bit... Read more

How can I get my teen to STOP relying on social media so much?

Last updated on: September 25, 2019 at 1:00 pm By Shaunti Feldhahn

Dear Shaunti, My kids’ obsession with Instagram and other social media has gotten to ridiculous levels. My teenage daughter takes photos of her outfits before she goes to school and wears the option that got the most likes. She’s already placing far too much value on what her peers think of her, and social media is making it worse. I’m ready to throw her phone in the trash. How can I get her to stop relying on social media so much – especially for her self-identity? Read more

Don’t freak out when your man handles an argument….like a man

Last updated on: March 30, 2015 at 12:53 pm By Shaunti Feldhahn

Dear Shaunti: My husband and I haven’t been married very long, and I am scared about something. We have never fought much, but just had our first horrible argument. I was expecting him to “make up” with a hug or something, but he wouldn’t. Instead, he mumbled something about needing to run errands, grabbed his keys, and took off! Read more

Don’t Freak Out Over His Need for Space

Last updated on: September 30, 2019 at 7:11 pm By Shaunti Feldhahn

Negative wife? Here’s how to stop the cycle!

Last updated on: September 30, 2019 at 6:27 am By Shaunti Feldhahn

Dear Shaunti: My wife and I are making a concerted effort to improve our marriage. Although she is a wonderful woman and a great mother, it drives me crazy at how negative she’s become over 12 years together. She is often critical about the most insignificant things. I didn’t pick the right pajamas for the kids. I didn’t separate the laundry colors properly. This really bothers me, but jumping all over her for it won’t win me any points or... Read more

Make-Up Sex: Does it Exist Beyond the Locker Room?

Last updated on: September 30, 2019 at 6:26 am By Shaunti Feldhahn

Dear Shaunti, The other day, I got into a big fight with my wife. In an attempt to make things right, I tried to get intimate–and she got furious! We’ve only been married a few years, and honestly we don’t fight that much. But I’ve heard from lots of friends that make up sex is a common way of restoring the good feelings. I’m feeling a bit cheated. Why isn’t my wife willing to make up this way? Sincerely, Feeling... Read more

Gain More Pull With Your Kids By Pushing Less

Last updated on: September 25, 2019 at 12:55 pm By Shaunti Feldhahn

Dear Shaunti, My 13-year-old daughter rocks at math and science. She is at the top of her 8th grade class, and is one of the only girls in a robotics elective. My husband and I have always told her she’ll make a great engineer or doctor someday, and she used to LOVE that. But she also likes choir a lot, and lately, I’m alarmed because she has begun to think of herself as a creative person more than a math... Read more

Advice: My Male Co-Workers Argued With Me While I Was Performing Surgery

Last updated on: September 6, 2017 at 2:16 pm By Megan Schmidt

Dear Shaunti: As the new medical director at a large hospital and top surgeon, I am a qualified woman with excellent experience in the medical field and in management. But I seem to be having a really hard time with my male coworkers since I was promoted. I work with a lot of men and have to make tough decisions quickly while on the surgery floor. Recently, two of my male counterparts argued with me over a decision. When I... Read more