On Turning 40

On Turning 40 June 4, 2015

Tomorrow I turn 40.

Last day of my 30s. This is how I roll.
Last day of my 30s. This is how I roll.

I know, women are not supposed to speak their age. Keep the mystery alive or some such nonsense. Whatever. I’m proud to be the age I am. Normally, birthdays aren’t a big deal for me, but this year? This year feels like a milestone.

Ten years ago, right around my 30th birthday, I graduated from the Graduate Theological Union with my master’s degree in religious studies. This year I’m watching my 1 year old scoot around the weed-ridden yard chasing after her older siblings while I write for a major blogging platform. Life is sweet and amazing and rather surprising.

In my 30s I moved from Berkeley to Oakland to Wales to Olympia. I worked and learned from an amazing Jewish education non-profit. I started an arts salon and met some of the most creative people I’ve ever met. I began studying Feri witchcraft with T Thorn Coyle, thinking “this is great, but it’s not for me.” Ha! I married a complicated, complex, amazing, and inspiring man – seriously, if you’ve met Adam, you know I won the lottery in this partner, husband, father, and friend. I was accepted into and started my one and only choice for a PhD program. I quit said program. I’ve grown, birthed, and sustained three children. I embraced the Craft and the longings of my heart. I began blogging and thus started a writing career, spanning several sites and topics. I bought a house. I have learned so much about myself.

I have become the woman I have always wanted to be.

It feels damn good to hit 40 and feel like I am on the right track. Everything I am doing now is exactly what I want to be doing with my life (okay, maybe not diaper laundry).

Getting here has not been without some heart ache. I have lost all of my closest female relationships, even though they needed to end. I’ve let some people down, people whose opinions I care about. I’ve really, really hurt Adam. I didn’t end up moving back to my hometown. Becoming a parent has been more heartbreaking than I could have ever realized.

I look forward to my next decade for several reasons:

1. I know more what I am about. I know what’s important to me. I am willing to make sacrifices for those things.

2. I am done having children. My body, my hormones, my brain, and life can settle into the “new normal.” Also, the kids will get older and start sleeping through the night, and I might start having more sex again. (Parents of young children, you know what I’m talking about, yes?)

3. I hope to get certified as a yoga teacher. Whether or not I actually teach, this is something I want to do for my own yoga practice and understanding of the tradition.

4. I hope to get initiated, in both my chosen practices.

5. I want to publish at least one book. I have two books in me right now.

6. Currently, I have no tattoos. I have plans for one, possibly two tattoos.

7. I am excited to see how my ideas, values, practices, and relationships develop over the next ten years. At 30 I never would have thought I would be contributing to an anarchist Pagan site, studying witchcraft and Tantra, surrounded by such…. colorful… and wonderful people as I am.

Thanks for being part of my journey!


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  • P. Sufenas Virius Lupus

    Felix Natalis Tibi, et Multiqueeeee! tomorrow, then! May you have the number of birthdays you’ve had so far times Three times Three, and may I be alive to see as many of them as possible! 😉

  • An Elder Apprentice

    Niki, From a fellow Gemini, I will be 63 on Saturday, may all your multitudinous parts be: joyously loving, aligned with your image of your highest, deepest and best, fully and knowingly present, strong and powerfully free, and full of life infused wisdom on your birthday tomorrow and on all your days.

    • That is a wonderful birthday wish! Happy birthday to you, Elder Apprentice, may all of your Parts be aligned and your Highest Self be in radiant joy.

  • The age of 40 also begins the transition from knowledge to wisdom (although that transition can take some time!). You have spent your life up to this point acquiring knowledge, now comes the time to put it to practice. What an exciting time! Just think, in a few years, Rhyd might call you Methuselan too! Happy birthday – may the next ten years be really exciting!

  • Jeremy Taylor

    Happy Birthday! I myself will be turning 40 in July, and in honor of my 40th birthday have dedicated it to raising money for rhino conservation. My plan was recently covered on the website The Dodo if anyone is interested… https://www.thedodo.com/man-donates-birthday-rhinos-1176446967.html

  • Nowell

    You are awesome, and I can’t wait to see your new tattoos. Once you get them, of course. 🙂

  • Happy birthday, Nikki!

  • Welcome to the club! I hope your birthday party weekend is all you hope (and want) it to be!

    • So far, so good! Of course, it would be better if all my favorite people weren’t spread out around the globe. Looking forward to MGW so I can see your face again!

  • Happy birthday! I have never understood why people would be ashamed of their age. Just be glad you are around to celebrate, flaunt it I say 🙂