You don’t need to keep trying.
When we commit ourselves to sunk costs, this commitment often keeps us from living into the future as our full and whole selves.
Even though we know we shouldn’t keep pouring our time and energy into something (and often it’s our body that tells us to move on), we keep doing it because it feels like “making things work,” and “maybe this time will be different,” and “just a little more and the tide will change.”
It gives us a sense of purpose, no matter how painful.
At least for me, this “making things work” feeds my savior complex; it allows me to sidestep any feelings of guilt or shame because “I’m working hard to fix it!” or “It’s still a work in-progress!”
This has led to staying in jobs and relationships too long, financial investments too long, belief systems too long, political parties too long, and so on.
Dr. Martha Stark describes this as “relentless hope” – when someone fails to face the truth of their grief and therefore doubles down on their desire, even if it doubles and triples the pain felt.
It’s an act of ignoring our inherent dignity.
The truth is: it’s okay to shift investments elsewhere.
It’s okay to cut and run. It’s okay to leave church and religion altogether. It’s okay to be a pastor for ten years (or five or twenty!) and then dip out.
It’s okay to change our minds, and once changed, make decisions that are different than before.
When we take a long loving look at our sunk costs and begin to see them as such, we can move past the memories of our past-dreams, set aside that seductive sense of momentary purpose, and live into the future as the people we actually want to be.
We can let go of our relentless hope and instead live into what’s truly real.
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