What Do You Do When You’re A Catholic Parent With A Transgender Child?

Everything seems to be as clear as black and white when you’re reading a book or when you’re in front of your computer screen. But when you come face to face with your transgender child, everything turns upside down. All you may see are various shades of gray.

How do you let your child know you love them so much without letting go of your Catholic faith? What do you think about? What would you even pray for?

To every Catholic parent who discovers that they have a transgender child, you must remember that it will be a process. A process that you have to surrender to God from beginning to the very end.

The reality of the world we’re living in

One of the first things you must recognize is the reality of the world you and your child are living in. It is no longer the same when you were younger. It isn’t even the same as the world you knew ten years ago!

So much has change both within the Church and beyond its walls. And the recipient of all these changes is your child.

What does it mean to be a child in this time and age? What are the things that a child hears from one’s friends? What kind of ideas is one exposed to from social media?

All of that is now part of your child. No matter how hard you may have tried to preach your Catholic faith to your family, the greater world they’re living in would still have an impact upon their lives.

Our unique personality and perspective

You may read so many books and articles about parents and transgender children, but none of these may completely apply to your situation. Why?

Because your child is unique. Your child’s perspective and way of handling things would be differently from the way other people may handle their lives.

You must learn to think not only from your perspective but from your child’s point of view.

How difficult is your child’s current struggle? What are your child’s concerns? What terrifies your child?

In the same way, you can never underestimate the kind of faith that your child has. Remember that this may be more difficult because your child is unwilling to let go of the faith that gives purpose and meaning to one’s life.

The things that you can do for your child

You may not be able to carry your child’s cross, but you can carry the weight of a parent’s journey for one’s children.

You may feel powerless for a while to do anything, but that is just not true.

What you do and what you say can make the very difference for the future of your child.

Here are some of the things you can do as a parent for your transgender child:

1. Give your love and understanding

Love should always be the first thing to give because it truly is the first thing your child needs.

In the midst of confusion, doubt and every other uncertainty, your child must be certain of your love and support.

2. Ask your child about one’s concerns, thoughts and feelings

Before you give a sermon about Catholic doctrines and beliefs, be sure that you ask about your child’s thoughts and feelings.

How is your child coping with the issue at hand? Is your child being bullied? Is your child fearful for your possible rejection?

3. Never cease praying for your children

Whether your child is transgender or not, never stop praying for them. Many times, it isn’t our words that could make a significant impact upon their lives. It could be that silent and unwavering prayer of a mother or a father for one’s beloved child.

4. Show a good Catholic example with your life

Your child needs to see what your faith means by the kind of life that you’re living. They can sense whether your piety is superficial or sincere. Through the example of your life, you can lead them and draw them closer to the Church and to God.

5. Have faith that God loves your child even more than you do.

The news about your child being transgender can fill you with anxious thoughts about your child’s future. It can be a burden you don’t know how to bear.

But take heart and be at peace because you are not alone. God loves your child even more than you do. And we believe in a God who is both powerful and compassionate.

Will He not listen to the sincere prayers of your heart? Will He not do everything for the sake of your child?

“Can a woman forget her own baby
and not love the child she bore?
Even if a mother should forget her child,
I will never forget you.”
-Isaiah 49:15 (GNT)

6. Let your child know that there is another path

Perhaps your child could only see one path to take at the moment. Your child may be at the crossroads and only one path is filled with hope.

Don’t forget to let your child know that there is always another path. And it is a path where God is present. A God who loves us and will never abandon us.

Catholic parenting and transgender children

Learning that your child is transgender could be a very difficult struggle for a Catholic parent. This is not a time when our culture is supportive of our faith.

Nevertheless, you must never lose hope in God. Pray constantly and entrust your child to God. There is nothing impossible with Him.

Let your child see that the Catholic Church is not a place to be feared. Rather, it is a place where they can take refuge and find peace. When the world fails in all its promises, let them know that they always have a home they can come to where they will always be loved more deeply and where the truth shall set them free!

“Steadfast love and faithfulness will meet;
righteousness and peace will kiss each other.
Faithfulness will spring up from the ground,
and righteousness will look down from the sky.
The Lord will give what is good,
and our land will yield its increase.
Righteousness will go before him,
and will make a path for his steps.”
Psalm 85:10-13 (NRSVCE)

Jocelyn Soriano is the author of the book Defending My Catholic Faith.

“Always be ready to give an explanation to anyone who asks you for a reason for your hope.” – 1 Peter 3:15 (NABRE)