Loneliness does not end when you finally find a partner in life. On the contrary, some people can feel even lonelier than before.
And because they are not longer single, they may no longer know how to address the loneliness they feel.
Some may deny the truth that despite having a partner, they still feel lonely. Some may try to distract themselves with other hobbies or preoccupations to forget the emptiness they feel inside. Still others may be tempted to address their loneliness by seeking it in other people.
When these things happen, the relationship falls apart. It may not happen immediately, but through years of neglect, the relationship gradually crumbles and dies.
What are the 3 types of loneliness that can be felt even by people in a relationship?
1. The loneliness that comes from too much expectation
Let’s face it. We enter a relationship because we fell in love with this very special person.
When we fell in love, we thought the other person was everything. We were happy and in love. Everything was perfect! And because of that, we unconsciously thought the other person was perfect, too.
As time goes by, however, we learn more and more about the other person. We discover the other person’s annoying habits. We find out that they’re not as perfect as we imagined them to be.
But it is difficult to adjust our expectations.
We still wanted to believe that the other person can fill every emptiness in our hearts. That this person can heal all our wounds, give us attention whenever we need it and satisfy our every longing within.
We are lonely because we expect too much. We want things that the other person could never provide.
2. The loneliness that comes from neglect by the other
While we can suffer loneliness by having too much expectations, we can also suffer out of being neglected by the people we love.
Relationships need both people to work constantly in order to succeed. It should not depend on one person only. When the other person no longer seems to care, we do feel lonely.
And it isn’t just loneliness. It is the feeling of being tired and abandoned. You feel that you’re the only one who seems to be trying to make the relationship work.
3. The loneliness that comes from not having God in one’s life
There is a kind of loneliness that does not come from either side of the relationship. It is the kind of loneliness that will follow us whether we’re single, dating or finally married to our special someone.
Deep within the human heart, there is this kind of longing that could never be filled by another person. It can only be satisfied by knowing and having God.
Do you feel lonely even though everything seems to be fine externally in your life? You may be searching for another kind of relationship, another kind of love.
God’s love should be the source of all the other loves we have in life. He is the unchanging source of peace and happiness that we could never find in anyone else.
If we don’t have God’s love, we would just be looking for the missing part of us in other people. People who could never give us what we truly want.
A relationship with another person can never guarantee that we would never feel lonely.
There will be times when both people in a relationship can fall short. We would expect something and we would fail to get it. Or we may expect something from ourselves, and we would fail to accomplish the good thing we wanted to do.
When that happens, let us try to help each other and be patient with each other’s faults.
Let us also learn that only by having God can we have the grace to continue loving other people. With God, we can love despite our brokenness. With God, we can find healing, consolation for our troubles and the strength to carry on.