I have been trying to run for about 3 years. In the course of that three years, my husband has run 2 half marathons and lost 70 pounds. I have quit, often. But not this time.
My kids got sick, and I have been very tired, so I didn’t run much last week, and then I didn’t quite make it all the way in the my scheduled long run last weekend. I can feel myself getting like I get. My internal monologue is negative, it is full of excuses, it is beating me up, blaming my family, and generally discouraging me, and there is a lot of guilt. I am mad at running for making me feel guilty about not running. Most of all, I know that my next run is going to feel crummy, and I don’t want to do it.
Here is my plan: I am going to do it. I am going to go to bed early tonight, get up early tomorrow, and run just 3 miles. I might hate every minute of it, but if I know that in advance I am not going to beat myself up for it. I am going to bring music and water, and I am going to sleep in my running clothes tonight, so all I have to do is get out of bed and go. I am also going to ask my husband to encourage me to get out of bed in the morning.
When the plan falls apart, as it does from time to time, we can resolve to begin again, but we also have to give ourselves a chance and set ourselves up for a little bit of success when we are getting started. I could go for a run right now, but I dread the run enough that the idea of pushing the trailer and encouraging the bikers is just too much of an obstacle for me. That is okay. I am totally human, and I need a best shot right now.So, you all are my witnesses, tomorrow morning, I begin again.
Is there an area where you have been a bit of a failure lately, through your own fault or just through circumstances? Can you resolve to set yourself up for success and begin again?
UPDATE: I have found a temporary solution which does not involve getting up in the dark — I joined the Y, which has child care. This means that I can run indoors, on a treadmill, while my children have their swimming lessons and my babies play in a little playroom. I have never been able to justify the cost of a gym before, but the price is my health (mental and physical) and also, right now, it is cheaper to do it this way than to get a sitter and run. I have been once so far, and planning to go again today, then a long run outside tomorrow morning.