I stood up in a large ritual where Hecate was the witness to our magick and I made a pledge to Her. I remember what I said. I remember the time container I put on it. And I had every intention of following through.
But I didn’t.
I made excuses. I changed the timeline. I explained away my wording as not being as strict as it actually was.
And, over time, it became vaguer. Almost forgotten.
Instead, it became a nagging feeling that I’d left something behind.
And things started to happen. Things that tested me. Things that got in my face and said: REMEMBER ME?
Still, I pushed it away. Bad luck. Bad timing. Life.
Or, a broken promise.
What Promises Have You Made to the Godds?
To be clear, I’m not sure I believe in the idea of punishment by the godds. It seems so Christian to say that when you screw up, you are doomed to be punished until you act a certain way.
I also think that an intention put out into the world is a promise. And one does not make promises lightly. You don’t say something you don’t mean. Or you don’t promise something you’re not ready for yet.
In this time of consideration and deliberation, I (of course) came upon multiple places and people who said they track all of their magick. They have books of workings or regular journals that they write down all of the magick they’ve done — and all the things they learned or said they were going to do.
Ah, lesson learned.
I’m writing down the things I promised, knowing full well that there are things I don’t remember. I am writing down the things I said I would do, just as I would any To Do list that I keep for work and teaching.
Because I want to be in integrity with my spellwork, with all of this magick I’m making across camps, classes, workshops, rituals, on my own, etc. etc.
Being Human and Being Accountable to Magick
I know I’m going to make mistakes, big ones, little ones. I’m going to do things in my relationships with the godds that aren’t healthy or that aren’t aware. I am going to forget and I’m going to falter. And I am going to embrace this messy experience of being human.
Just as with any relationship, I am going to take inventory of my part of the problem. I am going to find the lessons and guide myself to new actions in the future. I will forgive myself and I will thank myself for being willing to admit my part.
I am going to love myself in all of my parts.
Oh, and I created a big altar for Hecate. With all of the things she likes. And I visit her to ask for her guidance about the promise that I couldn’t keep. I’m sure she has wisdom for me.
And I’m sure I will follow through.