I was diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago.
Maybe it was TikTok. Maybe it was the fact that I have been the sole witness to the goings-on of my brain for the last few years. Maybe it’s because I am by myself a lot of the time and I don’t have to hide behaviors or rituals.
I realized something was different. Messy. Mostly adorable. Often exhausting.
With so much of the ADHD conversation focusing on work and everyday life, I was also curious about magick. How was this going to impact my magick? How would medication impact my magick?
(STOP HERE IF YOU WANT TO LECTURE ABOUT MEDICATION OR SAY YOGA IS THE CURE. Nope. Chemical things require chemical support. Yes, I am doing other things.)
Back to me.
But really, back to so many witches and pagans and practitioners. There are a lot of us. So, what does it all mean?
I’m still figuring it out, so this is probably the start of a series of observations and things I have noticed.
As with so many of my discoveries about myself, I want to share things publicly. If there is anything that my witchcraft aims to do is to make sure people know they’re not alone.
What My Brain Does Now (and Has Always Done, Apparently)
According to the Mayo Clinic, “Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a chronic condition that affects millions of children and often continues into adulthood. ADHD includes a combination of persistent problems, such as difficulty sustaining attention, hyperactivity and impulsive behavior.”
I got diagnosed much later than childhood. Ahem.
As I’ve gone through the process, I have had the chance to look back at how I’ve always been. Creative, yes? Procrastination? Oh yeah. Unable to focus on ‘boring’ things? Yep. Hyperfixate? You should see my closet. Act without concern for the future? Hey credit card debt. Hyperactive? Not really. Or not really in comparison to my brothers.
My hyperactivity is in my brain. If I wrote down all of the things I am thinking about at one moment (without meds), my hand would cramp. It seems ridiculous. It seems strange because I have a really good, grounded face most of the time.
Because that’s a thing, isn’t it? Those of us who are AFAB (Assigned Female at Birth) tend to have different signs. For myself, I know I was taught to be still, quiet, and gentle. I was taught to hide anything that wasn’t appropriate or convenient. I still get caught in that conditioning.
What Does This Have to Do with Magick?
I’ve said before that magick is not therapy. And I still think that’s true.
And magick has always been comfortable and where I feel at home. Reclaiming Witchcraft especially. In my tradition, I am empowered to be my own spiritual authority in the community. I am the one in charge of and able to define my spiritual experience while recognizing the impact on others.
My creativity runs free. I can sway and move my body as I like. My ability to connect in ways outside the norm makes sense, is celebrated, and is helpful in improvisational rituals. I focus on the present and participate in magick that has my full attention. I can focus for hours in ‘boring’ planning meetings because I love this stuff.
But I’m only now starting to see how meds and my brain interface with this new awareness and chemical support.
- Will I be boring or too in my head?
- Will I be over-energetic?
- Will I still hear the godds?
The thought that medication might hinder makes me cringe. I mean, c’mon. I’ve been on antidepressants before as a priestess. They helped tremendously.
If anything, I am not only able to focus more, but I don’t have the constant thoughts asking me if I’m saying the right thing when I’m teaching; my knowledge flows more easily because it has always been there. My brain has just gotten in the way.
Right now, that’s where I’m at. Admitting, realizing, and observing.
What is happening now? How does it show up in my life and my magick?
- Has this been the thing that has impacted the way I see grief?
- Has this been the thing that has ruined some relationships?
- Has this been the thing that really just wanted me to notice it?
More to come. I’m thinking about taking different parts of my practice and observing how they shift — or not.
What do you want to hear? Or share? Or want me to know?