Don’t Tell…Don’t Ask

Don’t Tell…Don’t Ask March 28, 2021

Generally, you throw out the standard deviations on both sides…

What do you want Mom?

They ask this question around Mother’s day, Christmas and my birthday. I’ve learned…they don’t really want to know.

Perhaps having ten children, I’ve been skewed so beyond normal that my wants remain too outside standard deviations to be tolerated, or perhaps, to survive having ten children, I’ve learned what I need to want to thrive.

For the curious and for my children in case they want proof in writing about my personal quirky wants for a legal defense from society at large, I’m giving my list with my reasons here.

What This Mom Wants for Mothers Day…

5) New socks. There’s a stipulation with this want. I want all the old socks tossed, and the new socks to be for each individual person, and different colored so that there is ZERO chance of confusion, and so I can be freed forever from this dreaded task. Pick your colors wisely, no backsies.

I want a vacumn that takes no prisoners.

4) A 40 Gallon Shopvac. Go to Wallmart or the Hardware store where they’re serious about these things. I don’t want a tiny BB8 version or a cutesy Roombah, I want the Mater Tow Truck won’t die even if you try to kill it vacumn. I’m not sure how any of you are ever not starving, as evidence on the floor leads one to conclude, very little food ever makes it to your mouths.

3) Contractor bags. Stay with me. I know. I know. I know. Giving trash bags to your mother on the second Sunday in May seems like a way to make it onto the boards AITA? But nothing and I mean nothing, makes your mom sadder than when we run out of these blasted things, because it means it won’t be replenished and I’ll be stretching non contractor sized bags onto the trash can until I go there –your saving me hassle and an errand. Bonus if you fill the trash can yourself. That’s showing the real love.

2) A real day off. What does that mean? It means I get up, and I get to not do any dishes from breakfast, lunch, dinner or snack and they aren’t waiting for me the next day either. It means for 24 hours, I operate no appliances, yet they run. I run no errands, yet they get done. I cook no meals, yet they get made. This is not a, let’s call Uber Eats or Door Dash three times today…this is, all of you, take over all the jobs I do for 24 hours.

What will I do? I will read, write, work out, nap, call my mom to brag about all of you, and take a really long bath. I’m willing to go to a hotel for this experiment if necessary…because then, you can call a maid service, order pizza and I won’t know. I’m flexible.

1) But more than anything, what I’d like is a real day on…where we all work together to get all the tasks done in a day, and no one scurries off to their room or onto their phones, because being present matters more…and we play the games that each person wants to, so that by the time we finish the day with ice cream and a movie, everyone’s played, everyone’s worked, everyone’s eaten, everyone’s had fun, and no one was overworked.

If none of these suggestions help you out, yes I can be easily bribed with good chocolate, a foot rub and diet coke…and none of that ever gets old. Love you all.

Now, about Father’s day…think fresh soil, fertilizer and bricks.


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