So last week, I wanted to treat myself after a morning of filling out financial aid forms, getting myself and two of my children to doctors appointments at three seperate times, two at the same place. I opted to go shopping, as my husband got us tickets to Pink!’s Summer Carnival. Pat Benatar was the opening act, and I’ve always loved her.
My wardrobe however screamed, “Stay at home Mom and teacher.” I wanted something “cool” for the show. Going to a store I normally love, the lady said, “May I help you?”
I said, “Yes. I want something cool for the concert I’m going to on Monday Night. I’m seeing Pink and Pat Benatar.” (So she knew I didn’t mean something to keep me from sweating, she knew I wanted something that let me witness and be a part of something this epic). I’d looked up Pink’s set. I knew most of her songs. I’d heard she flew. It was so awesome, people put down their phones and didn’t film it because…you just needed to watch.
(Did find it on Youtube, Twitter and Instagram). Just search for Pink Flies in DC.
So when the woman pointed to a rack of black and beige and light green pants and said, “Trousers.” I thought, “How do I leave without being absolutely rude?” Pink would have said, “Don’t worry about that.” about the pants or leaving, but this is me. I know I’m a nerd. I know, on my best day, I might possibly have a moment of coolness. However, even nerdy me knew that no one ever said, “You know what’s cool? Trousers.”
So I went to a different store. I found the outfit I wanted and shared the story. Since then, I’ve felt I ought to tip the lady for her obtuseness when friends on Facebook and in real life joined in the fun.
Here’s a sampling of some of the comments:
“You know what’s cool? Pantaloons.” –Will Antonetti (son)
“Who in the US even says, “Trousers?” –Heather B (friend)
“”She said what again?” –Chevryl W. (fb friend)
“At least she didn’t say slacks.” Lauren L (friend)
“Beige. Very cool. Said no one ever.” Suzanne W. G (fb friend)
“You can tell she’s from the city. In the country we say britches. Beige britches are for fancy time.” –Joy S. (friend)
“Hey look, that’s my cool friend Sherry over there. Can’t miss her. She’s the one wearing beige trousers.” –Rose G (friend).
Ara and me, ready for Pink, not wearing beige trowsers. 
Ara and me, not wearing beige trousers.
That weekend, my second oldest and I shopped for the week. I placed a single large chocolate bar in my cart. “For emergency purposes.” I explained.
My daughter reached for a second bar. “When do we have a week in which there’s only one emergency?”
She had a point. Both bars were gone before we got to the first arguable crisis and replaced when we dealt with possible tornados and winds of up to 80 miles per hour. Next time, I’m getting three bars.
What was that first crisis?
Only last week my eldest son found himself the victim of rodentia vandalism. Who knew squirrels liked to chew through wires in the undercarriage of cars to hide nuts? We thought it was a fluke as he bemoaned the pricetag of providing new wire treats for the local fauna. That squirrel chomped down on the gas and oil lines. It was sad and frustrating and we did what we always do when something bad happens that is absurd. We laughed. Until we experienced “When Squirrels Attack” round two, and the mini-van felt the wrath of said creature’s incisors.
One has to wonder if the local mechanic keeps an army of those fluffy tailed critters ready for when business gets slow. Six hundred dollars later and two chocolate bars later…we all felt a little like this:
It’s really hard to pray for our enemies when they start costing you serious time and cash and you’ve run out of your go to psychological crutch. My oldest son began researching adopting dogs or russian blues. Meanwhile we created a battle cry. “Death to crubbers!” doesn’t strike fear into their little squirrely hearts but letting Paul charge the little beasts while screaming and waving whiffle ball bats is emotionally satisfying.
I’m praying the squirrels relocate. In the meantime, I’m parking down the driveway and enjoying my new leather jacket and painted jeans. Not ready for three inch black platform leather boots but Pink took those off anyway when it started raining. Even a rockstar thinks, “I like my ankles unbroken.” You know what she didn’t wear at all during that concert? “Trousers.”
Why is summer break over? Today I needed to go to professional development from 8:30-3:30 which felt like a super let down from last night’s concert. I considered wearing beige.
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