It’s a running gag that most Catholics don’t sing at mass. That’s a job for the cantor or the choir or the brave souls that group together. The rest of us, we’ll sing along with our favorites but we tend to leave the actual articulation of these prayers set to music to the professionals. Songs are when you drift through the homily, find yourself harassed by a thousand thoughts, and then get caught by a lyric that reminds you where... Read more
We all like to think we love our neighbors, but we all struggle with someone, whether online or in person. We all also like to think of ourselves as the heroes or the sacrificial in every relationship, but we are in the grand story, always both the ones who crucify/betray/deny/run away from our Lord, and the ones being saved by His crucifixion. It is the nature of our existence. We are sinners. We need salvation via Christ’s passion and death,... Read more
Being stuck at home and in bed, I spend time I should be resting, scrolling, and time I should be editing, writing, and well, I think I’ve established, I fritter time well, professionally in fact. Having friends on line means I sometimes run into places I did not intend, because I find posts from friends of friends that reveal thoughts I did not know my friends shared. A woman who comforted me at a time when I felt most down,... Read more
When you find out you have cancer but that’s all you know…it’s a foxhole moment and not just once, but suddenly and often. You never know when the undertow of fear is going to pull you out, only that it will and to keep your eyes fixed on where you want to be, so you don’t get lost in the anxiety. I do better with fighting battles where I know what I face, than ones where the biggest issue is... Read more
Today, I went to the surgeon for follow up. Eleven of twenty-three lymph nodes they removed, indicated cancer. Bone and Body scans to follow. As a rule, doctors like to give a resting neutral face when they discuss things, and all around them follow suit. It used to bug me, but I learned the value of it today. The surgeon told me, her prognosis for me was, “Excellent.” and I left feeling shaken but not overwhelmed. Waiting in the lobby... Read more
Recently, I shared this meme, only to be questioned as to whether it was an act of humility to wear a mask if one acknowledged one needed humility to wear a mask. It got me thinking about the misunderstandings most have of the concept of humility. Humility is not the absence of awareness that our acts have meaning, but a profound recognition that our acts have consequences beyond what we imagine. Humility is the willingness to serve even if no... Read more
How am I? Well, the title says it all. My brain, my nerves, my body feel flayed and they have been, so I’m ill at ease with everything, most especially, myself. It is hard to be still. There is a real desire to “do” something, to somehow stamp the day…I read a book, I took a walk, I wrote a thank you…because the minutes in between those accomplishments seem to hang and yawn in the void. The lesson of all... Read more
Having gone through eight confirmations aside from my own, I’ve done some thinking about how we can better prepare candidates for this singular sacrament. I want those who are marked with the chrism to know its unmistakable foreverness. Here’s what I’ve learned as a parent observing the process this many times. Seventh and eighth graders don’t know what they don’t know. They do know that they are starting to grow up, and that being about to grow up, their opinions... Read more
It’s August. It’s hot and there is nothing looming on the horizon but the ordinary tediousness of eating, sleeping cleaning and caring for the ordinary stuff. August feels like a time without season, without salt, without the inspiration that comes with the start of something: dog days indeed. I’m not depressed. I’m reflecting on the fading of the summer green, the garden, and the lack of luster as people anticipate the beginning of a new school year. Books and sneakers,... Read more
The surgery took place on the feast of Saint Mary, Saint Martha and Saint Lazarus. Recovery is slow. I hit walls and the walls hit back. Fatigue, anxiety and pain feel the same. I can never tell which is talking, only that they’re shouting at me. So I am learning to not be Martha, but it’s more than not doing, it’s not being anxious about not doing. It’s being Mary, being okay to listen, to learn, to sit, and to... Read more
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