Church Sign Epic Fails, “Ready to Die” Edition

Last updated on: April 7, 2013 at 10:49 pm

April 7, 2013 by Christian Piatt

My pastor asked me when I got to church today, “You’ve gotta ask yourself; do you feel lucky? Well, do you, punk?!?” Little did I know it was pledge Sunday. DAMMIT!

ready to die — Who, us? A Cult? Pssssh! Yeah, we kinda are.

too busy to pray — Too busy to spell check your sign? You’re probably praying too much.

caution church — Only enter if you’re ready to die.

shock your mom — No joke: my cousin actually shocked his mom in a farm supply store with a cattle prod. I wonder if he went to church afterward?

maury — Problem is, when you find God at this church, your mystery sibling will come out from the sacristy and hit you over the head with a chair.

rocket science — Yes, please, for the love of Pete, stop studying science and just obey for once. How do you expect us to keep you in line otherwise?

you decide — If I get to decide, doesn’t that kinda, yaknow, nullify the preceding statement? Just sayin’.

April 6, 2013

The Problem Isn't God; It's Certainty

April 8, 2013 Feed Me, Seymour: A Search for Real Meaning (Heretic's Guide)

Browse Our Archives