Bananas: The Atheist’s Nightmare

Bananas: The Atheist’s Nightmare May 23, 2013

Thanks to Jess, a young woman in my Banned Questions Sunday school class, for passing this fairly priceless video along to me. We were having a conversation about the potential complementary nature of Biblical creation stories and a theory of evolution, given the proper contextual appreciation for Biblical narrative, and she offered this gem, once imparted to her.

And so now, my beloved Children, I offer it to you.

It turns out that bananas are not only tasty; they’re the atheist’s worst nightmare! Don’t believe me? Allow Pastor Ray Comfort and his faithful sidekick, Kirk Cameron, explain.

My question to her was, “But Jess, every time I pick up a banana, it’s facing away from me. Does this mean God hates me?” If you ask eighties teen heartthrob Kirk Cameron or Pastor comfort, I’m guessing the answer might be “yes.”

We can only hope Mark Driscoll never gets ahold of this argument, ’cause with his fellatio obsession, Lord knows what his video would be like. Sheesh!

Maybe someday I’ll get lucky and get one of these Christian-friendly bananas I keep hearing about. Until then, I’ll keep asking my pastor to peel them for me.

Man, I’m sure hungry…

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  • Roger Smith

    I’m sitting here on the vestigial tail in my butt, amazed, just amazed! at how perfectly the banana was designed to fit the hands of our prehuman ancestors. 🙂

  • Questions #1: Since most primates eat bananas upside down, does that makes them satanists?

    Question #2: Am I the only one guilty of having sex ed throwbacks from high school?

    • Christian Piatt

      #1 Yes. #2 – probably not.

      • #1. Cool. I want to see apes in purple robes throwing feces around to all points of an upside down star.

        #2. “And now, students, pinch the condom firmly…”

    • Nelson Thurman

      What Ray Comfort calls the “top” of the banana is actually the bottom (search for a picture of bananas growing on a tree. So it turns out the primates have things right-side up. What does that say about Pastor Comfort?

  • willhouk

    My wife and I were the youth leaders at a church we went to a few years ago. The leader before us had bought this whole series and wanted us to show this shit to those poor kids. We said, “thanks but no thanks.”

  • Michael Mock

    You know, of all the nightmares I’ve had – some forgettable, some extremely memorable – not one has ever involved a banana. And I’ve been an unbeliever since I was twelve or fourteen. So I’m going to go waaaaay out on a limb, here (presumably the limb of a banana tree, but I digress) and suggest that maybe, just maybe, Ray Comfort knows remarkably little about atheists, bananas, or the deep and nuanced history of Christian beliefs.

  • Here’s a round-up I made of videos related to the banana argument, the pineapple counter-argument, and the peanut butter argument!

  • DKeane123

    The cocunut is the devli’s work….

  • Religion ranges from the psychopaths of Islam to the Sociopaths of Christianity. Freedom is to accept that life ends, nor should we wish it to last forever. As R.D. said “I feel triumphant to have lived at all” — to know that I have existed and seen the wonders of the World as it is, to have gained at least a partial comprehension of the awesome power of Evolution, to have seen what I have seen…”All these moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.” Blade Runner aka Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? I want what I have and am grateful for all that I have and ask for nothing, save, perhaps, a painless death.
    As for Ray Comfort and his lies — poor, stupid fool, or perhaps an evil liar? I do not know. All I do know is that he smells to my clear consciousness like a rotting and poisoned carcase to be shunned.

  • Ben Howard

    The orange I’m eating is giving me an existential crisis.

    Also, I love how pleased Kirk Cameron looks throughout the video. Mike Seaver is hilarious.

  • Paul Freeman

    Obviously God doesn’t like Chimpanzees either as they usually peel their banana from the opposite end or hold it like he did.

  • Doug

    It must be such a relief to Mr. Piatt that he is so much hipper and smarter than so many nutty Christians!

  • Pat68

    “Almighty God” made it was a non-slip surface. Who knew?!

  • He’s peeling it all wrong! Blasphemy!

  • Actually, bananas are a creationist’s worst nightmare. The genetic make-up of bananas is about 70% identical with that of humans. An evolutionist explains this by saying that all life on earth descended from early single celled organisms. I don’t know how a creationist would tackle the issue, but it could suggest that the Big Guy was lacking in imagination. Not very flattering, to say the least.

  • Spencer

    Sorry, Ray and Kirk, but the banana about which you are speaking is the result of centuries of HUMANS selectively breeding the fruits to make them more palatable and ergonomic. Your argument is invalid.